I wrote this between the time I moved out of Merrill Hall at USU and when I moved up to Cody. I spent A LOT of time in my bedroom at some apartment at the north end of town. I was living with some guys I didn't know, but they needed a roommate and I needed some place to live. I hated it. I was in a relationship with some chippie that was quickly deteriorating. The job I had was about to end because they were downsizing. I had nothing and felt like nothing.
I was watching TV late one night and heard the word "beautiful" and this whole song popped into my head. The chorus came first and lightning fast. The rest came fairly quickly. The best songs are the ones that I tend to write in one sitting. This was one of those moments. Inspiration was driving a nail into my skull. I loved the song and it has always been special to me.
A few months later I was visiting Utah from Wyoming and I played this song for a few of my old Merrill Hall roommates. One of my roommates (he shall remain nameless), who has a specific musical taste, actually came out of his room as I was playing this and raved about it. He said it was one of the greatest songs he had ever heard. To have him say that meant a lot to me. I was somewhat stunned.
Like I said, I love this song. It captures so much of what I was going through at the time. "Why can't I be beautiful" is just me singing that I was tired of being such an outcast - of being so different from everyone else around me - from never being noticed. I felt like I could walk into a crowded room with my eyeballs hanging out and no one would have noticed anything. It took me a long time to see and understand that beauty is a label that is not set in stone. There is no true definition for beauty, or at least beauty is what you make of it. Don't let anyone tell you any different!
Inside the saddest of despairs
I watch a world that doesn’t care
Someone proposes life to me
Then takes my soul that’s meant to be
Out of the dark I see her come
Prepared to break down what’s been done
Silent deception is her friend
Into this night I find my end
Why can’t I be beautiful?
Curse me and all that I know
I see through her skin
Inside my coffin
Why can’t I be beautiful?
With every word she turns the knife
Another chapter to my life
A prisoner to all that’s cruel
Nothing to offer to this fool
Why can’t I be beautiful?
Curse me and all that I know
I see through her skin
Inside my coffin
Why can’t I be beautiful?
Am I about to hit the wall?
There’s nothing here to break my fall
Her morphine smile took my own
Tore me apart down to the bone
The tide has turned again on me
To bring a harsh reality
This time there is no reason why
So I am pushed aside to die
Why can’t I be beautiful?
Curse me and all that I know
I see through her skin
Inside my coffin
Why can’t I be beautiful?
1 comment:
I noticed you! ;)
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