She Doesn't See Me

I often try writing in the styles of music that I adore. This is my attempt at Nine Inch Nails. It's meant to be sparse and haunting. The piano style on this is a little different than what I am normally doing. I wish with all my heart that I had the equipment and resources to put these songs out there for you to hear the way that I hear them in my mind. They are so much more powerful than the way I present them to you here.

Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.

I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.

Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.


I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear

Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain

Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool

Old Tin Heart

I don't even know where this song came from. It was just one that I sat down and wrote. Almost every single day that I go to school I walk in to my room, put my bags down, go sign in, go back to my room, sit at the piano and write a song. This happens 95% of the time. Most of that time it's just me sitting down to the piano and playing whatever. I rarely sit down with something in mind. I think that's what happened with this song. I just sat down and started playing around until some idea started to take shape and went from there.


I don't know where the lyrics came from either. Just a random spewage of words. And yes, I know that "spiders from Mars" is not my own creation. I fully acknowledge that. As I'm thinking about it, I wonder how many people that read this actually DO know where "spiders from Mars" comes from. Anyway, I love this song, as I do all of my songs. Hopefully others will enjoy it as well.


Her’s was a ghost that knew my name
I bore this cross on which I hang
Blood won’t erase the things you blame
It’s etched in your bones
We’re all sleepless drones

Down on the street with broken glass
I watch the shadows as they pass
She screams out loud “The die is cast”
My old tin heart cracks
She’s not coming back

Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

I pulled the teeth of vanity
Bled through my own insanity
I was my own fatality
But you gave me scars
With your spiders from Mars


Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

The Last Time

Not much to say about this song. What it means speaks for itself. It's not autobiographical. It's just a story. The words "this is the last time" fell right into the triad and I went with it from there.

I wrote it after playing around the piano with triads. It really just came together all at once after the first triad. It's a good song and fun to sing. Hope you enjoy!


This is the last time that you will see me
You don’t even care where I will go
I’ll be moving on, my ship is sailing
I’m not coming back and this I know

 I have got nothing that I can offer
I’d break my bones but it’s not enough
I’d walk on fire to make you happy
I may be strong but I’m not so tough

This is the last time that you will hold me
You have left me with no other choice
Sometimes I feel like you’ve bought and sold me
You did what you could to take my voice

I can’t deny that you’ve made me happy
I can’t deny that you’ve brought me joy
Still there’s a fire that burns inside you
I’m nothing more than your whipping boy

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door

This is the last time that I will love you
There is nothing left, no reason why
I will do my best to rise above you
I don’t feel the need to say goodbye

I feel like I’ve broken through these old chains
It won’t be my neck that you will break
You keep on being the monster you are
I’ll look at you as a big mistake

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door