She Doesn't See Me

I often try writing in the styles of music that I adore. This is my attempt at Nine Inch Nails. It's meant to be sparse and haunting. The piano style on this is a little different than what I am normally doing. I wish with all my heart that I had the equipment and resources to put these songs out there for you to hear the way that I hear them in my mind. They are so much more powerful than the way I present them to you here.

Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.

I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.

Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.


I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear

Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain

Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool