Hopeless

I wrote this song in 1995 I believe. It was the year after I graduated from high school. It came about from listening to a lot of Nirvana at the time. Kurt Cobain had been dead less than a year, and he had more of an influence on me dead than alive. I remember this being one of the first songs I wrote that I ever performed for my best friends, Bobby and Matt. I think I played it for the two of them in Matt's bedroom one afternoon. I loved the chromatic drop and rise in the song. I was really just starting to learn how to play the guitar and I loved that sound that had come about pure experimentation.

There is nothing to read into regarding the lyrics. What you read is what you get. I was still draped in my shroud of self-loathing so it was a pessimistic song. My lyrics were starting to improve somewhat during this time. Instead of being very simple I was starting to discover imagery to paint the feelings I was trying to sing about. All in all it's a pretty good song. It could use a killer solo in the middle of it - either a screaming guitar or a mourning cello.

Shadows crawl across my floor

Waves crash on a sandless shore tonight

Sound is shattered by an eerie silence

My every thought is full of violence tonight

My wishful thinking does nothing for me

And lonely whispers bring insanity

I’m so hopeless

Dreams drown in the pouring rain

Love lies beneath endless pain tonight

Love is blown in the howling wind

The air around me feels like sin tonight

The wall around me can’t be torn down

Everything I feel is forever bound

I’m so hopeless

Love’s always abandoning me

Can someone tell me why this must be tonight?

Years of loneliness have taken their toll

I need an angel to save my soul tonight

Sorrow has poisoned my mind like a drug

Pity could never take the place of love

I’m so hopeless

09 Hopeless.mp3

All Fall Down

I wrote this a few weeks ago. I've actually been writing songs faster than I have the time to write lyrics for them. I have a huge back catalogue of songs that I'll be posting on here more frequently. I've got about ten songs I need to work on lyrics for and more songs are being written every day. Just this last week alone I've written ten songs. Each of them have the beginning of lyrics started, but the musical side of the songs is already written, minus a few tweaks here and there.

As for this song, I really love it. There is a sense of urgency I feel in it when I play it and sing it, and I love that. I wrote a lot of the lyrics while I was sitting in a staff meeting at work. Yes - I was paying attention, but sometimes things are said that just stick in my mind or set me off on a lyrical path. I was thinking about the people stuck in war - both real, physical battles and their own personal, internal fights. The biggest point of the song to me was that its okay to fall down sometimes. In fact, there is nothing wrong with collapsing from the weight of it all. It's the loudest sound when we fall down, but only to ourselves. Nobody hears us fall louder than ourselves and there's nothing wrong with that. The tears may come, but remember - we only fall down so we can gain strength from standing back up again.

Walking through this snow

Not sure where to go

Feels as though the world’s abandoned me

Bodies in their graves

Battled to be brave

They all sing their epitaphs to me

And I hear what they’re trying to say

Do we fight the good fight each day?

When the lights go out

All that’s left is doubt

Faith will have to fight her own way free

Enemies we fear

Drawing themselves near

All they are is ghosts of what once was

And we scream for the night to end

There’s so much that we must defend

Secrets can’t reveal themselves when lies stand in the way

When you try to work it out is it worth the price you pay?

It’s the loudest sound

As we all fall down

Screaming in my sleep

Dreaming way too deep

I’m a product of the wars I’ve won

Fighting to forgive

Trying just to live

Words can’t go away – what’s done is done

So you cast me into the sea

With the truth that will set us free

Secrets can’t reveal themselves when lies stand in the way

When you try to work it out is it worth the price you pay?

It’s the loudest sound

As we all fall down

All Fall Down.mp3

Void

I wrote this song sometime in late 1997. It came about from listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. Billy Corgan had written a song called "Ugly" that I really loved. It described how I felt a lot of the time back then. If you knew me then, you would understand exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, I was trying to write a song about how I felt about myself at the time, using my own words. It dealt with me and how I felt about certain people back then as well. Looking back on it all I realize I was terrified of myself and the person I was turning into. Life was good, don't get me wrong - it's just that I was filled with a venomous hatred towards who I was. I felt as though I was a cancer of some sort that ate away at those around me and I just wanted to disappear - to be a void. We all really detest ourselves at on point or another in our lives. I don't feel that way anymore, but the scars from figuratively whipping myself are still fresh and a constant reminder to me that I need to try to improve myself each day. Instead of me wanting to be a void I now have things in my life to keep my life from being void.

Fire burns my mouth

Time is running out for me

Wishing on a magic star shining down

My smile is foolish

Laughter breaks my brittle bones

Running from a nightmare I had in my dreams

And I fear the dark in you

The light in me

The things unseen

I fill my void

Death kisses me so deep

I feel her tongue on my lips tempting me

Forbidden song

I drink the silence in you

The sun still shines upon this broken rose

In the stars I see your face

I feel your warmth in love’s disgrace

But I’m here to tell you stories

Full of pain and full of glory

Sweet is the tempter’s snare

My soul is heavy

Sad days have lost control

Like shattered glass I’m falling all apart

The moon is red

Night sings me her sad tune

The way you breathe into me makes me whole

And the streets I wander on have swallowed me

The signs are gone

But you have this heart of mine

You can make it so divine

Peace is a luxury

I taste the madness

I feel the sadness

You swallow my fear

My mind is unclear

Your mouth is dry

My eyes won’t cry

Rage is enjoyed

I’m just a void