Copperanna (Full Band) UPDATE

Again, this is another song written in my little sludge hole in Logan. I guess the only good thing that ever came out of that apartment was music. This is a song for a girl I never met named Anna. I wrote this during the early days of internet chat rooms. I can't remember what chat room it was, but I had been talking music with a group of people. One of the girls, named Anna, said she wished someone would write a song for her. I gave it a shot. Like I said, I never met the kid. Now, to write a song called "Anna" was quite boring in my mind - no offense to the name. The Beatles recorded a song called "Anna (Go With Him)" that is on their first album. It always seemed like a filler song to me. I remember I had been working on writing songs that day and I didn't have a pick, so I used a penny. After I had been playing for a while I was taking a break and chewing my fingernails. Of course, my fingertips tasted like copper. All of a sudden I had the name of the song. It's also attributed to the strange name songs that the Smashing Pumpkins had - "Tristessa", "Stumbleine", "Medilla"... So I had the name for my song - "Copperanna". It's not about anyone at all - it all came together because of someone's name and my love for chewing my fingernails.

Another funny side note to the song is that I was writing these lyrics in church one Sunday and my mom asked to look at them. She couldn't understand why I would write a lyric about wanting to be someone's whore. I tried to explain to her that it was an extreme way of saying that I wanted to belong to someone. She thought I should just say that. I thought about it and decided to stay with my lyric. All these years later I still have people that have heard this song say that that line is their favorite line in a song.


I want to be your pocket
Your hand inside of me
I want to be temptation
Your hand as it bleeds
I can never see you
I want to die and be you
I want to set you free

I want to be your whispers
Your breath as you sleep
I want to fall and hurt you
Your tears as you weep
I’m purple suicide
I’m black eyes open wide
I’m nothing you should keep

I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna

I want to be your trophy
Your secret little whore
I want your indignation
The reason you want more
I’m twisted fantasy
I’m prayers and blasphemy
I’m all that you adore

I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna

I want to be your mourning
Your coffin in the ground
I want your consolation
Your arms to lay me down
I’m cracked crystal ball
I’m broken china doll
I’m secrets never found

I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna

This is Her Time

I just sat down and started writing this a few weeks ago for no good reason. It was intended to be my writing about a girl having a bad day. I was trying something new in my mind lyrically. I think I did it okay.

One interesting aspect about the recording of this song - I downloaded a new app for recording and used it for the first time with this song. I actually recorded it in my bathroom less than an hour ago. I haven't listened to it on anything but my phone. Hopefully it works okay. If not I'll try to re-record it later.


This was not the place for her to be
Kissing flames
She had stepped outside of all her dreams
Into pain
When you say goodbye to everything you know
You just ride it out to where the wind may blow

She had fears she didn't want to see
Closed her eyes
She fought inner battles to feel free
Fought the lies
There is no one left here now to hold her down
Pity threw a party, now she wears the crown

She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She looked at the world through different eyes
Than her own
Every breath she took was her own prize
All alone
Sometimes pain reminds you that it's time to pray
Sometimes rain is only there to wash away

She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She found her peace
Found her sweet her release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She Doesn't See Me

I often try writing in the styles of music that I adore. This is my attempt at Nine Inch Nails. It's meant to be sparse and haunting. The piano style on this is a little different than what I am normally doing. I wish with all my heart that I had the equipment and resources to put these songs out there for you to hear the way that I hear them in my mind. They are so much more powerful than the way I present them to you here.

Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.

I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.

Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.


I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear

Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain

Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool

Old Tin Heart

I don't even know where this song came from. It was just one that I sat down and wrote. Almost every single day that I go to school I walk in to my room, put my bags down, go sign in, go back to my room, sit at the piano and write a song. This happens 95% of the time. Most of that time it's just me sitting down to the piano and playing whatever. I rarely sit down with something in mind. I think that's what happened with this song. I just sat down and started playing around until some idea started to take shape and went from there.


I don't know where the lyrics came from either. Just a random spewage of words. And yes, I know that "spiders from Mars" is not my own creation. I fully acknowledge that. As I'm thinking about it, I wonder how many people that read this actually DO know where "spiders from Mars" comes from. Anyway, I love this song, as I do all of my songs. Hopefully others will enjoy it as well.


Her’s was a ghost that knew my name
I bore this cross on which I hang
Blood won’t erase the things you blame
It’s etched in your bones
We’re all sleepless drones

Down on the street with broken glass
I watch the shadows as they pass
She screams out loud “The die is cast”
My old tin heart cracks
She’s not coming back

Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

I pulled the teeth of vanity
Bled through my own insanity
I was my own fatality
But you gave me scars
With your spiders from Mars


Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

The Last Time

Not much to say about this song. What it means speaks for itself. It's not autobiographical. It's just a story. The words "this is the last time" fell right into the triad and I went with it from there.

I wrote it after playing around the piano with triads. It really just came together all at once after the first triad. It's a good song and fun to sing. Hope you enjoy!


This is the last time that you will see me
You don’t even care where I will go
I’ll be moving on, my ship is sailing
I’m not coming back and this I know

 I have got nothing that I can offer
I’d break my bones but it’s not enough
I’d walk on fire to make you happy
I may be strong but I’m not so tough

This is the last time that you will hold me
You have left me with no other choice
Sometimes I feel like you’ve bought and sold me
You did what you could to take my voice

I can’t deny that you’ve made me happy
I can’t deny that you’ve brought me joy
Still there’s a fire that burns inside you
I’m nothing more than your whipping boy

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door

This is the last time that I will love you
There is nothing left, no reason why
I will do my best to rise above you
I don’t feel the need to say goodbye

I feel like I’ve broken through these old chains
It won’t be my neck that you will break
You keep on being the monster you are
I’ll look at you as a big mistake

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door

Just Breathe

Tuesday I was in a rush to leave work so I could pick my daughters up from school. I was already running late. As I walked past my piano I heard two notes being played in my head. Just an A and an F#. I thought "Oh crap" to myself because I had to sit down and write. Something told me that even with only two notes I had something good on my hands. So I sat at the piano, turned on my phone to record, and started playing. About two minutes later I had the complete melody for this song and the chord structure. I was still in a hurry so I hightailed it over to the girl's school.

Afterwards I had to go to work at Domino's so I knew I'd be able to work on some lyrics. As I drove around town and thought about it I came up with the premise for the song and banged it out quick. It really didn't take long at all. Those are my favorite songs to write. I know it's a short song and there's not a lot too it, but I wanted it to be simplistic. If I ever get it recorded professionally there will be a little bit more to it.

The song is simply about love and working through the tough times. Goodness knows that I'm not perfect and I'm sure I've ticked off my wife because of something I've said/done/didn't do/been, etc. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an easy person to deal with. This is not about me per say, but about what everyone that loves someone deals with - mistakes and forgiveness. I'm lucky to have a good wife who forgives me when I mess up, which is usually a daily occurrence.

But its really more than that. This is about getting over everything around you that is wrong and completely relying on each other. Some days you really just need to remember what is important in your significant other, put aside anything that may be irking you, and remember that they love you and you love them. That is the absolute most important thing!

You say your words

They run me straight through

This feels absurd

So far from the truth

The hate we bring doesn’t offer anything

Just for tonight could we put aside the fight

And just breathe

We can’t connect

With walls in between

Look what we’ve spent

No chance to redeem

And when the pain seems to scratch right at our brains

Will we see the light?

Try to hold each other tight

And just breathe

The fool in me loves the fool in you

It’s hard to see past stupid things we do

When this world that we’ve built wants to go into full tilt

Let’s forget what we’ve heard

Let’s not say such hurtful words

Let’s just breathe

Parking Lot Apology

I like to observe people. I find other people's lives fascinating. If you sit and watch people long enough you're bound to something interesting happen. I wrote this song based on something I saw once. I could only speculate what was happening because I couldn't hear anything, but I could see faces and body language so I was guessing what happened.

A guy walked into a grocery store. He wasn't inside for very long before he came out with a few bags of groceries. As he walked up to his car he slowed down because of something he saw there by his car. It was a girl in another car that had pulled up next to his. He obviously recognized as he walked up, but he wasn't sure what he should do - run away or keep walking. She started talking to him but there was a distinct pain on his face that could only have been caused by her.

He listened to her as she spoke and the more she spoke, the more tears I saw from her. She was apologetic in her mannerisms. He didn't really respond except for his staring at the ground. He would say something every once in a while, but I could tell that he was still hurt from whatever she did. She stepped out of the car and took him in her arms and he fought the urge to put his arms back around her. She stepped back and took his face in her hands and kissed him. He was in tears at this time too. When she pulled away from the kiss he stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. He said something to her, looked hard at her again, walked to his car, started it up and drove away leaving her there standing in the parking lot leaning against her car sobbing. She did this for a few minutes before wiping her eyes, getting back in her car and driving away in the opposite direction.

This song is what I imagined she was saying to him. He was probably completely enamored with her and she didn't feel the same way until he let go - then she realized that she had lost the best thing in her life. This is her parking lot apology to him for taking him for granted, but it was an apology that he could not accept. She had already done too much damage and he could not see past that. I don't know if that was what the conversation was really about, but it makes for a great song. I love writing these songs with a bit of a waltz feel. There's just something about them that makes my hair stand on end. I love it!


I can tell you’re confused
You are wondering why I’m here
I know I left you bruised
I’m so sorry dear
I’ve been thinking a lot
How I messed up what we had
I’ll put you on the spot
Sorry I was bad
Didn’t know what I had

Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known

You gave so much to me
Put me up on a pedestal
All you wanted was me
I said my life was full
I put you on hold

Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known

I’m so sorry I pushed when you pulled
I’m so sorry my touch was so cold
I was wrong and you were right
All I want is you with me tonight

I know I love you
And I’ve made some mistakes
Please don’t turn and walk away
Hold me in your arms
I’m so sorry I bailed
I just want you with me
It’s how my life should be
‘Cause you were meant for me
It’s something I now see
I just want you to try to love me again

Long Hard Road

Last year I had to go to a different school once a week to teach. I hated it. I won't mention the school but the kids were selfish and rude and just plain irritating to be around. The teachers weren't much better. There were two other music teachers at the school that I liked but most of the other teachers were just "high and mighty" and self centered/serving. They would rarely show up on time to class and they caused all sorts of problems.

One day as I sat waiting for the class to show up I was sitting at the piano just tinkering around. I was trying to write a song using a chord progression going from a C major to a B diminished seeing as how it was something I had never done before. This was from listening to lots of jazz and some Frank. (Anyone who has to ask me Frank who will be dealt with accordingly!) I THOUGHT that I had done it with the piece of music. The first two chords were being played that way. Then about three weeks after I had written it I was playing it on my ukulele trying to figure out the fingerings and I played an E7 instead of the B diminished and I realized that THAT was the chord should be. I guess I still need to write my song with the C major/B dim change.

It was raining the day that I wrote the song - hence the "stormy clouds" line. My favorite part of the song was the refrain though - "It's a long, hard road, it's a heavy load, and I've gone about as far as I can go". Good heck I feel like that a lot. I'm sure others can relate quite well to it. At least I hope so.

I keep hearing this song on the ukulele. I think that is the instrument it should be accompanied by. I'm still trying to learn the uke well enough to play it and record it, so once I can play it I'll have to re-record it with that. I love the simplicity of the ukulele and how it takes a really good melody to be accompanied by something as simple as a uke. I think it's fantastic that Eddie Vedder just released his "Ukulele Songs" album. For those of you who have not listened to it - you are completely missing out. Get a copy ASAP. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little ditty.


Stormy clouds will make me scream out loud
And I am swallowed by the sea
So I can’t seem to break free
There’s a truth I know that will not let me go
I fight to walk away from fate
Fight to sacrifice my fate

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

Rainy days won’t help me lose my way
I know when I am caught off guard
Falling down can be so hard
I guess I’ll ride the wind away from all my sins
I’m not sure I know what is right
Turning darkness into light

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

I’d die a million deaths but one is all it takes
I’d breathe each breath like it’s my last
Say what you will but I won’t let my old heart break
Hold me low but let me go

Stormy clouds will make me scream out loud
And I am swallowed by the sea
So I can’t seem to break free
There’s a truth I know that will not let me go
I fight to walk away from fate
Fight to sacrifice my fate

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

When the Roses Fall from the Sky

I wrote this song after listening to the first single "The Roller" off of the new Beady Eye album. For those of you who don't know, Beady Eye is basically Oasis without Noel Gallagher. This single was quite poppy. As I read what people were saying about it I read that people said Liam Gallagher ripped it of from John Lennon's "Instant Karma" which is one of my favorite Lennon songs. I decided I wanted to rip off that song too. I only got as far as the first three chords. Everything changed quite naturally after those chords to something else.

This song is another example of me just saying wierd things to myself. I had the melody at the beginning but not a single lyric. As I continued to work on it I knew that I wanted it to be "when _____fall from the sky". I was driving around trying to think of something falling from the sky that would completely catch people off guard. I don't know if I saw a flower shop or actual roses, but when I sang "when the roses fall from the sky" I knew that I had found what I needed. The rest of it fell into place until I got to the chorus.

At the chorus I again had the melody but no words. I felt that this song had a very Brit-pop feel to it and I wanted to bring a British feel to it. One of my all time favorite movies is Guy Ritchie's "Snatch". I believe in this movie is where I first heard the phrase "easy peezy lemon squeezy". I loved it! I love Cockney rhyming slang and I wish that I spoke it better. I was able to throw it into the song and it's my favorite part of it now. I love getting to the chorus and being able to sing it.

I don't know what the song is about. Parts of it seem to be about struggling - parts of it seem to be about pushing through the struggles. I'm so confused...


When the roses fall from the sky
That’s the day I’ll stop asking why
And the burdens bear down on me will break
More than once I’ve waved you goodbye
More than once I’ve wished I could die
But I’m running out of excuses just to make


All the silly people know me
They’ve been watching me all night
All of ambitions shouldn’t come as a surprise
Running in and out of nowhere
Dancing on a thin white line
Life is just for living and I’ve got no time to live for mine


It’s all easy peasy
It’s all lemon squeezy
Falling down just to stand up seems like it’s all I ever do
In this crazy bubble
I’ll call out my troubles
Don’t abandon me ‘cause I don’t have the hope you want to see


When you call on me for the blame
And there’s really nothing to gain
Will I try to be a pauper or a king?
When tomorrow calls for her fools
And I can’t accept all the rules
Can I solve the problems I have by what I sing?

Something in tomorrow’s sunrise
Paints a picture in my mind
Don’t depend upon me, I’m the blind leading the blind
I may be a visionary
Questioning what’s wrong or right
But I’ve got my reasons I keep following the light that shines


It’s all easy peasy
It’s all lemon squeezy
Falling down just to stand up seems like it’s all I ever do
In this crazy bubble
I’ll call out my troubles
Don’t abandon me ‘cause I don’t have the hope you want to see

Wicked Has Her Ways

I wrote this song over the summer while driving around Memphis delivering pizzas. I had the melody for a few weeks before I had any actual lyrics. Sometimes when I'm trying to come up with lyrics I just start saying strange phrases in my head to myself. I look for flow of presentation. It doesn't always have to mean something specific. Usually if it does mean something it just means that I got lucky.

There were three lines that really made this song come together. "But this is my last show of colors, goodbye lovers now, wicked has her ways". I knew I had something cool once I had those three lines, but the next line "and even sinners pray for something" - that was the nail in the coffin for me. Just something about that line ripped me up. Once that I had the entire chorus I found myself singing it to myself often. I still do. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. That doesn't happen a whole lot. There's a song I just wrote this last week that I haven't finished the lyrics on yet that is always in my head like this song.

As for the meaning of this song - I don't know. It's strange to go back and read the lyrics sometimes after writing a song because I don't always remember exactly why I wrote something. I do know that part of the meaning is that its okay if life is not always sweet. In fact, it's expected to be bitter at times - which makes everything else seem sweeter when it does happen, hence the line "love won't always sing". Sometimes bad happens. Sometimes it happens a lot. Sometimes it doesn't seem as though it will go away... The jury is still out on that one for me.

Torn asunder by my hate

Broken twice in two

More than once I’ve twisted fate

I’m nobody’s fool

Acid falls against my skin

Demons pull me low

I can taste the ash of sin

I feel trapped in this freak show

I don’t claim to know

But this is my last show of colors

Goodbye lovers now

Wicked has her ways

And even sinners pray for something

Love won’t always sing

Spiraling out of control

Fatalism wins

Falling down the rabbit hole

The mystery begins

I could fall into the sun

Death could be my friend

Angel wings have come undone

I’ve stopped trying to pretend

I don’t claim to know

But this is my last show of colors

Goodbye lovers now

Wicked has her ways

And even sinners pray for something

Love won’t always sing

The Smile You Had

This song is somewhat of a mystery as to why I wrote it. I was living by myself in Logan, UT when I wrote it in a crappy attic apartment. Life pretty much sucked. I was single again and, as usual, I was falling apart. During this time period I went to the dollar theater by myself a lot. It was cheap entertainment that allowed me to lose myself for a few hours.


On the night I wrote this song I had gone to see "Never Been Kissed" with Drew Barrymore. Now, I had always been a huge fan of hers. I had the hots bad for her. I enjoyed the movie and headed home. I remember as I was driving home pouring over the thoughts in my head about finding 'someone' and being happy with them forever. All signs at that time in my life were pointed towards 'not gonna happen'. 


It must have been cooler outside that evening because when I arrived at home I took of my jacket and threw it over the chair in my tiny living room. My guitar was sitting in the corner behind it. As the jacket landed one of the sleeves hit the guitar, creating a tone/funky chord. Like lightning to the brain this entire song was in my head! It was literally that fast. No words - just music. Now this was back in the time before I could record the idea on my phone and come back to visit it later, so I had to sit down right then and write it.


In the melody I could already hear the "hey hey hey hey" part. I wanted the song to be something easy to sing along with. The lyrics just kind of poured out once I started writing. The verses are kind of throw away, but I really do enjoy the chorus. As usual during this time, I'm writing about that special someone that I hadn't found (yet). I was looking but never able to find her. I was just going to have to wait a few years. It's one of those I've written that I occasionally find myself singing just for no reason. Those are the songs of mine I like the best.

The Smile You Had

Hey hey hey hey

I’m flying over you my friend now

Hey hey hey hey

With all I see there is no end

Hey hey hey hey

I’ve walked away from this before

Hey hey hey hey

And I’ve come back just wanting more

You stole my smile from me and now I want it back

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

Hey hey hey hey

The ocean’s pity overthrows

Hey hey hey hey

The angels teach me what they know

I’ll penetrate your lips to take away your sad

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Hey hey hey hey

You’ve given me vanilla bliss

Hey hey hey hey

I’m restless for your licorice kiss

I’d smash eternity to hear our cherub’s laugh

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Hey hey hey hey

I’m classified as fortune’s fool

Hey hey hey hey

I’m trapped inside myself so cruel

As far as I’m concerned there’s nothing that you lack

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Beast

I know its been awhile since I have posted anything on here. Its not because I am struggling with writer's block. (Sometimes I wish I was!) I just haven't recorded anything for quite awhile. This song is one that I wrote and recorded in October of last year. I apologize for the vocals. They are definitely not the greatest.

I could have named this song "Regrets" because that is really what it is about - the regrets in life that haunt us for longer than we should allow them to. How often it seems that we continually kick ourselves for things that have happened in the past, including those things that we had no control over! Relationships, jobs, things we've said to friends, the way we've treated family members, etc. The list could go on and on.

This started off as something I was playing around with on the guitar. It had such a dark vibe to it that I almost abandoned it. As I continued to play it to myself the word 'beast' kept creeping into my mind. From there is where the rest of the song came from. For me this is just a reminder that the 'beast' (regrets) of life CAN and WILL get to you, but only if you let it.



Time’s a vicious beast who gives you nothing back
All you hold in your hands fades into the black

Everything you hope for seems to be in vain

You have tried your best to wash off all your stains

Struggle with the patterns you have locked in place

Breaking every mirror in which you see your face

You don’t have the answers you’ve been searching for

You have no desire to fight in this unholy war

Even with your demons on the run

You can feel yourself coming undone

Where you gonna run to?

Where you gonna run this time?

Are you gonna stay right here and try to face your crimes?

Everybody’s looking, everybody’s watching you

You don’t get to decide anything you want to do

Grabbed and pulled apart by those who think they know

Feels like being dragged by wild horses through the snow

If it’s best for you that doesn’t mean a lot

Try as hard as you may, I will not be bought

Who exactly do you think you are?

You are not trapped under some bell jar

Where you gonna run to?

Where you gonna run this time?

Are you gonna stay right here and try to face your crimes?

Everybody’s looking, everybody’s watching you

You don’t get to decide anything you want to do

With You

This is breaking out of my pattern with the album I've been working on, but I needed to break the pattern. Sometimes I feel better doing that. I don't know if this song will be part of this project or part of another one I'll mulling around in my brain.

This is a new song I've written for my wife, Stephanie. I wrote the music for this the other night after watching something on TV. I heard a little clip from a song and it gave birth to the music for this song. The next day I came to school and wrote the entire music part but I hadn't come up with any lyrics for it. I recorded it on my phone for future use.

Friday night I was out delivering pizzas and listening to some of the backlog of songs on my phone and I came across this one from earlier this week. I started listening to it and tried to come up with the first line. "Swam across the sea..." My next thought was "What would I swim across the sea for?" and of course, my first thought was my wife. From that instance the rest of the words just poured out.

This may not seem like much of a song to anyone. It's short and not very extravagant, but only Stephanie truly knows how much songs and music mean to me. She sees me when I get so excited about a song that I can hardly restrain myself. She knows that I express myself best through music, so this will mean to most to her and that is what is most important to me.

I've written songs for Steph in the past. I sang one to her at our wedding reception and open house. It's been awhile though since I've written her one. So this is just a reminder to her of what she means to me. I'm grateful for her putting up with me and all of my oddities, especially over the last month. This last month I've felt like quite the emotional mess and she has taken good care of me as she always does.

Before Steph and I were married I was quite the depressed mess. Since getting married I have not had to battle depression at all like I used to until this last month. For some reason all of my demons decided to start rolling around in my head again and I felt like I was going mad. Again, Stephanie came through for me. I am and will always be eternally grateful for what she does for me in my life. I love you Steph!

Swam across the sea

I did it all to get myself to you

I just needed you with me

Time and again I’d do it just to prove

That I am no good alone

You’re the rhyme in all my poems

You’re the rights to all my wrongs

You’re the soul in all my songs

Climbed the highest peak

I had to put myself into your arms

Show to you how I was weak

And what it took for me to be disarmed

I’m your blue-eyed albatross

Yet you still carry my cross

You’re my brown-eyed fairy tale

Yes, I’ve found my holy grail

Died the hardest death

I’d follow you to places no one could

I would give you my last breath

I’d lose it all for you but I’d feel good

We’ve got time upon our side

And we’ve got nothing to hide

I can’t question love this true

I’m a better man with you

With You.mp3

Where I Belong

This is a strange song to talk about but I must do so. This album that I have been working on will probably be called "Life" and with life there are both good and bad things. This happens to be one of the bad parts - one of the darkest moments of my life.

There was a period in my life when really didn't know what I was doing. I had a friend tell me to come to Phoenix with him to work. He was sure he could get me a job working with him and he was making very good money. I was not going to school at the time, I was living aimlessly at home, and I really was a waste of space. I went to Phoenix with him and he said I could live with him and his sister for a bit until I found my own place.

I didn't know it at the time but this friend of mine was a drug addict. His drug of choice was meth. This was when meth was still a fairly new drug. It wasn't new, but it wasn't as wide spread as it is now. When I got to Phoenix he offered me some, which I turned down. The next few days were awful after that.

Long story short - this was one of the worst incidents of my life. I lost one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world. Little did I know that it would soon be a permanent loss.

I don't tell this story, nor write this song to glamorize the use of drugs. It's quite the opposite - I hate drugs. I hate them with a passion. As I write this there are serious tears being shed because of how this one incident affected the friends in my life. How I wish I could go back and have been a better friend! 

The chorus of this song is one of the most honest and personal things I have ever written. At the time I did feel completely trapped. I wish I had never left my home in Yuma because it was where I really belonged. 

If there is a silver lining to this story and experience, it is that I was able to figure out what my path was after this. I saw what I DIDN'T want to be. It helped me learn a little bit more about myself, but it still breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces when I think about this.

Hopefully those of you who read this (if anyone does) will understand why I share such a personal story. Please don't think ill of me after reading this. Mistakes happens - its what we do to learn from them that matters.

There was a room

That I went in

Filled with smoke and mirrors

To hide the sin

And I had nothing

Nothing to lose

The devil laid his cards down

And I had to choose

This was life I’d never known

It made me cold down to the bone

I was stepping off the edge

Into something ugly

Now I feel so trapped

I wish that I could take it back

I wish that I had stayed at home

Where I belong

Instead I grabbed that bullet train

Inhaled it straight into my veins

‘Cause I was looking for someplace

Where I belong

I soon was kicked

Out of that room

It may as well have been

Tomorrow’s tomb

It all came tumbling

Out of my head

I heard a voice say “Leave

Or try to live life dead!”

I sat up through 20 nights

My head was filled with ardent lights

The crossroad said to “choose the right”

I hitched a ride with my soul

Now I feel so trapped

I wish that I could take it back

I wish that I had stayed at home

Where I belong

Instead I grabbed that bullet train

Inhaled it straight into my veins

‘Cause I was looking for someplace

Where I belong

03 Where I Belong.mp3