When the Clowns Cry

This is the earliest song I have. I wrote this song when I was about 15, which would have been 1991-ish. I remember sitting in bedroom in Arizona writing it. It was the first song I had ever written on the guitar and it was the first song I had ever written where I used imagery. I was particularly pleased with the lyric "You'd take the shadow from my grave". I remember how much I liked the bitterness of the song. It was the first song I wrote where I was really convinced that I could write good songs with forceful lyrics.

You never saw how I felt
Left with the hand I was dealt
I know you never cared
'Cause you were so unfair
You took all I had from my hands

You made everything unreal
Though your thoughts were concealed
I know you'd steal it all
And leave me here to fall
You'd take the shadow from my grave

And you just laugh at your lies
Even when the clowns cry

Left alone with my pain
Freezing cold in the rain
You slapped me on my face
Saying I was such a waste
Why'd you even give me time of day?

I guess I shouldn't be surprised
That you made the clowns cry

I'll scratch your back while you stab mine
Sometimes you treat me way too kind
You say you're good, but child you're bad
You're only happy when I'm sad

Tossing and turning in my bed
Thinking of all that you said
"You're so fun to use
And easy to abuse
Though I try I really can't forget

You broke my heart and said goodbye
Then went to watch the clowns cry
You bit my hand and left me to die
Just so you could see the clowns cry