Crown of Nails

This is not a religious song. This is just a song. I was listening to some blues the other day when I wrote this. It's meant to have a dirty sound to it. In my head I can hear this with a fuzz bass pounding away to the chords. The drums are pounding nails through your skull while you listen to it. This is a song meant to tear you limb from limb - the only thing is, I'm not a good guitar player, nor do I have the band and financial means to present this to you the way it needs to be heard.

This is another one of those songs in which the lyrics were written during a staff meeting. Maybe I have a lot of hostility toward staff meetings... I tried to write words that would match the music I was hearing in my head for this. Think Black Rebel Motorcycle Club when you're listening to this song. That's more the light that this song is meant to be heard in.

As for the meaning - this song is about that one person that you would just do anything for. No matter what they ask you to do, you would do it. It didn't matter if limbs would lost or death was an options - whatever words came out of that person's mouth, you would do your best to accomplish that task.

I’ve walked miles and miles

To get away from you

I have worn a hole here

In these old ragged shoes

You won’t stop your chasing

And I’ve got no more swords to run you through

I can’t hear myself think

You’ve climbed inside my head

Nothing’s making sense here

You’ve got me seeing red

What’s there left to do now

When all you want me doing is playing dead

What did I do to warrant all this rage?

Set me up to fail

I’ll wear this crown of nails

I am feeling hunted

You’ve got me on the run

I’m not sure I’m seeing

The wrongs in all I’ve done

I don’t mind your anger

But I do not deserve your loaded gun

What did I do to warrant all this rage?

Set me up to fail

I’ll wear this crown of nails

Crown of Nails.mp3

KIlling Time

This is another one of my favorite songs I have written as of late. You'll laugh when you hear how the lyrics came about. I was sitting watching "Smallville" and I just started the free-form writing, hence the reference to flying away, destiny, and pain - you know, the usual themes of "Smallville". It's just funny how much the things around you have such an influence when you are writing, whether it be music or literature.

This song is not really about me. If there was one line that I had to pick from here that represented me at all it would be the killing time line. Sometimes when I am doing something, like sitting in a meeting, I literally feel like I am killing the time I have been given in my life - especially when I know there are thousands of better things I could be doing. The sad (and good) thing is that I usually write a lot of lyrics when I am stuck in a meeting that I can't get out of. Maybe someday I could make a living from it...

Looking at a black hole straight into the sun

Trying to run circles around your loaded gun

Tripping through a pain that curs right through my heart

Anger is the fire that tears my soul apart

If I could fly away I would

After I did all that I could

I’m afraid of destiny

And the life that runs from me

Have I finally crossed the line?

I’m just stuck here killing time

Watching out my windows every single day

Waiting for an answer every time I pray

I could feel so good but I end up feeling bad

What’s the point of living if you lose the best you had?

It doesn’t matter anyway

I’ll live to die another day

I’m afraid of destiny

And the life that runs from me

Have I finally crossed the line?

I’m just stuck here killing time

Killing Time.mp3

Crazy Comes to Me

I wrote this song the week my son was born. I had the music all set, but no words yet. It took me a bit to get the words written. I worked on it a bit while we were in the hospital with Harrison. There was very little sleep happening during this time period, which I think sometimes is a benefit to me when I am working on lyrics. Less sleep means less inhabitions verbally.

I love some of the lyrics here. I never thought of rhyming "magic" with "hat trick" - but it works. For you purists out there, yes, I know - it doesn't really rhyme perfectly. So what?!? It still works. I also am glad to have my first Oz reference here. I am a big Wizard of Oz fan and it influences a lot more I write than people think.

I don't really know what "crazy comes to me" mean. Maybe that no matter how much we try to stay sane in the world, its always going to find it. Anyway, enjoy the song!

What’s the point of dyin’

When instead I should be cryin’

Sometimes I feel like I’m the knave of hearts

Running this and that way

This is not a game that I play

With all these rules how could I ever win?

This time I’m not picking up the pieces

This time I will go in for the kill

I’ve laid down my aces

Had a thousand different faces

This smoke and mirror job has done so well

I believe in magic

Not another stupid hat trick

I can’t deny that I feel upside down

I can’t be afraid about the future

I’ll stand on the edge and jump into the abyss

I’ll go flying off to Oz

I’ll slip into the corner of my mind

Watch me twist away

I will take a ride somewhere

I’ll take a trip into the great beyond

Crazy comes to me

Might look good on paper

I’m a lover, not a hater

The lights are on but there’s no home for me

Love can be a cancer

Love can sometimes be the answer

It disappears as quick as 1, 2, 3

It seems you have dismissed all my feelings

I see that you never really cared for me

I’ll go flying off to Oz

I’ll slip into the corner of my mind

Watch me twist away

I will take a ride somewhere

I’ll take a trip into the great beyond

Crazy comes to me

Crazy Comes to Me.mp3

Praying for Reason

So this was a cool experience today. I had been toying around with the chord progression for the verse for maybe a month. I finally found a melody to match it that I liked. I started writing the lyrics as I went to a staff meeting this afternoon. All through the staff meeting the words kept coming to me, but I didn't have a chorus yet.

All of a sudden - BOOM! There was the chorus. I could hardly sit in my meeting. I was so antsy to get back downstairs to my piano in my classroom and play the whole song! It was literally making me want to vomit because I had to go play it. Finally the meeting was over and I went down and played it. LOVED IT!

I thought I was done with it once I had the chorus, but as I was playing it through for the first time, the coda just came out of nowhere and added itself to the end of the song. It felt complete as I finished up the words. I wrote the last word on the page, set up my computer to record it, and recorded it in just one take, which is why my vocals are not the greatest on it.

I often say to my wife when I hear a fantastic song that I wish I had written it. This is my great song. It may not be a great song to anyone but me, but regardless, this is my great song that I want other musicians to hear and go "Wow. I wish I had written that song." Maybe someday.

The line in the chorus about "praying for reasons to bleed" is not about looking for reasons to make yourself bleed. It is about feeling the urge to be completely needed, such as my wife is needed right now by our newborn. We all feel that way sometimes. It's good to admit that every once in a while.

You fall to your knees burned to the core

You close your eyes searching for more

Though I may try I cannot heal

All that you need I cannot reveal

And you pray for the things that you need

And you’re praying for reasons to bleed

And you look to the heavens above

And you’re looking for anyone’s love

You cannot give up, you cannot give in

There’s more to this world then living in sin

Don’t look to find the easy way out

You’ve got to rid yourself of your doubt

And you pray for the things that you need

And you’re praying for reasons to bleed

And you look to the heavens above

And you’re looking for anyone’s love

It’s your last chance train

Wash away your pain

There’s a world out there

Where life might be fair

You don’t need the lies

Everybody cries

Give away your tears

Give away your fears

Praying for Reason.mp3

The Halo I Can't Wear

I finished writing this song a few weeks ago. My biggest challenge with writing music these days is writing lyrics for them. Writing the music is the easy part. Back when I first started writing music the words came easier. Funny how that changes. I think I need to start reading more poetry. I used to read a lot of poetry and it helped open my mind to words. I should start doing that again.

This is not anything important lyrically. I was just writing for writing's sake. There's no garden, no devil's eye, no fire. Just words for the beauty of words. The line "I've got nothing left to say" is honestly about not being able to find the right words for this song. Writer's block sucks...

I walked the world the whole night through

To get myself away from you

So slip inside the wall of your mind’s eye

What’s the point of learning hate?

You can’t sit back and wait for fate

The life you have is yours to use or lose

Love don’t fail me

And don’t expect me to see

You derailing

And falling down at my feet

Watching my garden grow

I know there’s things I don’t know

But I’m not afraid to die

Or spit in the devil’s eye

I grow older everyday

I’ve got nothing left to say

I’m just trying to be who I should be

Can’t you see?

So in the dark of my mind’s eye

There’s angels teaching me to fly

The halo I’ve been given I can’t wear

You label me the fool of fools

Yet look to me for what to do

I think you’re finally sinking in your sea

Where’s the fire

You claim is burning through you

You’re a liar

You’ve got so much left to prove

Watching my garden grow

I know there’s things I don’t know

But I’m not afraid to die

Or spit in the devil’s eye

I grow older everyday

I’ve got nothing left to say

I’m just trying to be who I should be

Can’t you see?

The Halo I Can't Wear.mp3

So Close

So this song was one that I dreamed. I woke up with this little melody in my head and all these weird visuals which literally have nothing to do with the song, but they relate so well to the song as it was written. I was going through this strange phase as I graduated from high school. Maybe it wasn't so much as phase as I was growing up and starting to use my head for something. This song was my start of imagery. I was trying to explain what the grandest love could ever be - what it would feel like, how it would taste, etc.

When that perfect love comes along for everyone they just know it. Most everyone I've ever talked to about says they same thing. "I just knew". That's what the line "Though far apart, we've be so close, now we're one" refers to - just knowing.

I was working at a place called The Garden Cafe in Yuma when I wrote this. The morning I wrote it, I took it into work and showed it to my co-workers. They flipped out over this, and that was only reading the words. It was such a confidence booster for mebecause it was only my third or fourth song that I had written and really liked. One of the cooks read it and handed it back to me and said "Why the hell are you still working here? If this is the beginning, I can't wait to see what you are writing in 20 years." I've got 5 more years to write something really amazing...

This song is my U2 song. As I wrote it I kept thinking about the fantastic song "All I Want is You". It pales in comparison to their song, but the idea and feel of the song comes from their influence in my life at this time.

I’ve never seen you but I know you

I know you better than I know myself

I know what you’ve done before you do

You’ve told the stories I’m unable to tell

You’ve been my legs when I can’t walk

I’ve been your tongue when you can’t talk

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one

You’ve never helped me but you’ve saved me

You’ve been with me at the end of my rope

I’ve never lost you but I’ve missed you

You’ve been with me when there’s no more hope

I’ve been your eyes when you’ve lost sight

You’ve been my heart in all my might

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one,

I’ve never touched you but I’ve held you

In thousands of dreams I’ve had

I’ve never called you but I’ve heard you

You’ve cried my tears when I’m sad

You’ve been my legs when I can’t walk

I’ve been your tongue when you can’t talk

I’ve been your eyes when you’ve lost sight

You’ve been my heart in all my might

I’ve been your blood when you bleed

You’ve been my rest when I can’t sleep

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one

04 So Close.mp3

Vanilla Girl

This is one of those songs I wrote while living in my grandparent's basement the summer of 2001. I don't normally talk about those from my past that I dated before I met and married my beautiful wife, but this is where this song comes from. This girl was one of the big reasons I moved away from Utah that summer. I came to a realization that I was be used for reasons I'm still not sure of. I didn't have anything to offer, but for some reason that is what was happening with the relationship. I was pulled this way and that and the madness was starting to settle in. I finally came to the decision that I should move and be completely unreachable by anyone. So one afternoon while my roommates were working or whatever, I just packed up my few possessions and left.

There are a few references in this song as to who this girl was. She was a beauty pageant contestant, hence the references to glitter, fading fame, parades, and the sash she wore her name on. She was too concerned with her appearance and what people thought of her. She didn't really know who she herself was and that was her biggest hinderance in life. Luckily things did not work out with her and I shortly met my future wife after this.

This song is about this girl, but it also about being true to yourself, no matter the cost. Everything goes away eventually, except for those people who are most important to you. Let everything else fade away, but hang on to those important people around you! Otherwise, they may not be there when you need them most.

Trapped inside this notion

You lay out of reach

Slipping through my fingers

Falling at your feet

Must you scratch out my eyes?

Don’t give me that

All your glitter will fade away someday

Your pleasure only brings me pain

And on me you have left your stain

By throwing me away what will you gain?

Vanilla girl

Everywhere I see you

Luscious beauty queen

Do you remember my name?

My methanphetamine

You’re a bad religion

I won’t convert

All your fame will fade away someday

Your pleasure only brings me pain

And on me you have left your stain

By throwing me away what will you gain?

Vanilla girl

The sash you wear your name on

You’ll find will one day be gone

Your one support may cease to be

People won’t remember

You’ll see your last parade

Where will you turn to?

Look what you have made

I’m compelled to hate you

I won’t refuse

Love from me was never meant to stay

Your pleasure only brings me pain

And on me you have left your stain

By throwing me away what will you gain?

Vanilla girl

19 Vanilla Girl.mp3