Void

I wrote this song sometime in late 1997. It came about from listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. Billy Corgan had written a song called "Ugly" that I really loved. It described how I felt a lot of the time back then. If you knew me then, you would understand exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, I was trying to write a song about how I felt about myself at the time, using my own words. It dealt with me and how I felt about certain people back then as well. Looking back on it all I realize I was terrified of myself and the person I was turning into. Life was good, don't get me wrong - it's just that I was filled with a venomous hatred towards who I was. I felt as though I was a cancer of some sort that ate away at those around me and I just wanted to disappear - to be a void. We all really detest ourselves at on point or another in our lives. I don't feel that way anymore, but the scars from figuratively whipping myself are still fresh and a constant reminder to me that I need to try to improve myself each day. Instead of me wanting to be a void I now have things in my life to keep my life from being void.

Fire burns my mouth

Time is running out for me

Wishing on a magic star shining down

My smile is foolish

Laughter breaks my brittle bones

Running from a nightmare I had in my dreams

And I fear the dark in you

The light in me

The things unseen

I fill my void

Death kisses me so deep

I feel her tongue on my lips tempting me

Forbidden song

I drink the silence in you

The sun still shines upon this broken rose

In the stars I see your face

I feel your warmth in love’s disgrace

But I’m here to tell you stories

Full of pain and full of glory

Sweet is the tempter’s snare

My soul is heavy

Sad days have lost control

Like shattered glass I’m falling all apart

The moon is red

Night sings me her sad tune

The way you breathe into me makes me whole

And the streets I wander on have swallowed me

The signs are gone

But you have this heart of mine

You can make it so divine

Peace is a luxury

I taste the madness

I feel the sadness

You swallow my fear

My mind is unclear

Your mouth is dry

My eyes won’t cry

Rage is enjoyed

I’m just a void