Val Moore

This is Her Time

2011-11-10T15:40:00.000-06:00

I just sat down and started writing this a few weeks ago for no good reason. It was intended to be my writing about a girl having a bad day. I was trying something new in my mind lyrically. I think I did it okay.

One interesting aspect about the recording of this song - I downloaded a new app for recording and used it for the first time with this song. I actually recorded it in my bathroom less than an hour ago. I haven't listened to it on anything but my phone. Hopefully it works okay. If not I'll try to re-record it later.

This was not the place for her to be
Kissing flames
She had stepped outside of all her dreams
Into pain
When you say goodbye to everything you know
You just ride it out to where the wind may blow

She had fears she didn't want to see
Closed her eyes
She fought inner battles to feel free
Fought the lies
There is no one left here now to hold her down
Pity threw a party, now she wears the crown

She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She looked at the world through different eyes
Than her own
Every breath she took was her own prize
All alone
Sometimes pain reminds you that it's time to pray
Sometimes rain is only there to wash away

She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She found her peace
Found her sweet her release
Blind leading blind
This is her time

She Doesn't See Me

2011-10-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

I often try writing in the styles of music that I adore. This is my attempt at Nine Inch Nails. It's meant to be sparse and haunting. The piano style on this is a little different than what I am normally doing. I wish with all my heart that I had the equipment and resources to put these songs out there for you to hear the way that I hear them in my mind. They are so much more powerful than the way I present them to you here.

Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.

I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.

Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.

I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear

Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain

Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists

She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel

She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool

Old Tin Heart

2011-10-09T08:24:00.001-05:00

I don't even know where this song came from. It was just one that I sat down and wrote. Almost every single day that I go to school I walk in to my room, put my bags down, go sign in, go back to my room, sit at the piano and write a song. This happens 95% of the time. Most of that time it's just me sitting down to the piano and playing whatever. I rarely sit down with something in mind. I think that's what happened with this song. I just sat down and started playing around until some idea started to take shape and went from there.

I don't know where the lyrics came from either. Just a random spewage of words. And yes, I know that "spiders from Mars" is not my own creation. I fully acknowledge that. As I'm thinking about it, I wonder how many people that read this actually DO know where "spiders from Mars" comes from. Anyway, I love this song, as I do all of my songs. Hopefully others will enjoy it as well.

Her’s was a ghost that knew my name
I bore this cross on which I hang
Blood won’t erase the things you blame
It’s etched in your bones
We’re all sleepless drones

Down on the street with broken glass
I watch the shadows as they pass
She screams out loud “The die is cast”
My old tin heart cracks
She’s not coming back

Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

I pulled the teeth of vanity
Bled through my own insanity
I was my own fatality
But you gave me scars
With your spiders from Mars

Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you

The Last Time

2011-10-06T16:46:00.000-05:00

Not much to say about this song. What it means speaks for itself. It's not autobiographical. It's just a story. The words "this is the last time" fell right into the triad and I went with it from there.

I wrote it after playing around the piano with triads. It really just came together all at once after the first triad. It's a good song and fun to sing. Hope you enjoy!

This is the last time that you will see me
You don’t even care where I will go
I’ll be moving on, my ship is sailing
I’m not coming back and this I know

I have got nothing that I can offer
I’d break my bones but it’s not enough
I’d walk on fire to make you happy
I may be strong but I’m not so tough

This is the last time that you will hold me
You have left me with no other choice
Sometimes I feel like you’ve bought and sold me
You did what you could to take my voice

I can’t deny that you’ve made me happy
I can’t deny that you’ve brought me joy
Still there’s a fire that burns inside you
I’m nothing more than your whipping boy

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door

This is the last time that I will love you
There is nothing left, no reason why
I will do my best to rise above you
I don’t feel the need to say goodbye

I feel like I’ve broken through these old chains
It won’t be my neck that you will break
You keep on being the monster you are
I’ll look at you as a big mistake

You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door

Just Breathe

2011-09-30T09:22:00.000-05:00

Tuesday I was in a rush to leave work so I could pick my daughters up from school. I was already running late. As I walked past my piano I heard two notes being played in my head. Just an A and an F#. I thought "Oh crap" to myself because I had to sit down and write. Something told me that even with only two notes I had something good on my hands. So I sat at the piano, turned on my phone to record, and started playing. About two minutes later I had the complete melody for this song and the chord structure. I was still in a hurry so I hightailed it over to the girl's school.

Afterwards I had to go to work at Domino's so I knew I'd be able to work on some lyrics. As I drove around town and thought about it I came up with the premise for the song and banged it out quick. It really didn't take long at all. Those are my favorite songs to write. I know it's a short song and there's not a lot too it, but I wanted it to be simplistic. If I ever get it recorded professionally there will be a little bit more to it.

The song is simply about love and working through the tough times. Goodness knows that I'm not perfect and I'm sure I've ticked off my wife because of something I've said/done/didn't do/been, etc. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an easy person to deal with. This is not about me per say, but about what everyone that loves someone deals with - mistakes and forgiveness. I'm lucky to have a good wife who forgives me when I mess up, which is usually a daily occurrence.

But its really more than that. This is about getting over everything around you that is wrong and completely relying on each other. Some days you really just need to remember what is important in your significant other, put aside anything that may be irking you, and remember that they love you and you love them. That is the absolute most important thing!

You say your words

They run me straight through

This feels absurd

So far from the truth

The hate we bring doesn’t offer anything

Just for tonight could we put aside the fight

And just breathe

We can’t connect

With walls in between

Look what we’ve spent

No chance to redeem

And when the pain seems to scratch right at our brains

Will we see the light?

Try to hold each other tight

And just breathe

The fool in me loves the fool in you

It’s hard to see past stupid things we do

When this world that we’ve built wants to go into full tilt

Let’s forget what we’ve heard

Let’s not say such hurtful words

Let’s just breathe

Parking Lot Apology

2011-09-20T23:17:00.000-05:00

I like to observe people. I find other people's lives fascinating. If you sit and watch people long enough you're bound to something interesting happen. I wrote this song based on something I saw once. I could only speculate what was happening because I couldn't hear anything, but I could see faces and body language so I was guessing what happened.

A guy walked into a grocery store. He wasn't inside for very long before he came out with a few bags of groceries. As he walked up to his car he slowed down because of something he saw there by his car. It was a girl in another car that had pulled up next to his. He obviously recognized as he walked up, but he wasn't sure what he should do - run away or keep walking. She started talking to him but there was a distinct pain on his face that could only have been caused by her.

He listened to her as she spoke and the more she spoke, the more tears I saw from her. She was apologetic in her mannerisms. He didn't really respond except for his staring at the ground. He would say something every once in a while, but I could tell that he was still hurt from whatever she did. She stepped out of the car and took him in her arms and he fought the urge to put his arms back around her. She stepped back and took his face in her hands and kissed him. He was in tears at this time too. When she pulled away from the kiss he stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. He said something to her, looked hard at her again, walked to his car, started it up and drove away leaving her there standing in the parking lot leaning against her car sobbing. She did this for a few minutes before wiping her eyes, getting back in her car and driving away in the opposite direction.

This song is what I imagined she was saying to him. He was probably completely enamored with her and she didn't feel the same way until he let go - then she realized that she had lost the best thing in her life. This is her parking lot apology to him for taking him for granted, but it was an apology that he could not accept. She had already done too much damage and he could not see past that. I don't know if that was what the conversation was really about, but it makes for a great song. I love writing these songs with a bit of a waltz feel. There's just something about them that makes my hair stand on end. I love it!

I can tell you’re confused
You are wondering why I’m here
I know I left you bruised
I’m so sorry dear
I’ve been thinking a lot
How I messed up what we had
I’ll put you on the spot
Sorry I was bad
Didn’t know what I had

Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known

You gave so much to me
Put me up on a pedestal
All you wanted was me
I said my life was full
I put you on hold

Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known

I’m so sorry I pushed when you pulled
I’m so sorry my touch was so cold
I was wrong and you were right
All I want is you with me tonight

I know I love you
And I’ve made some mistakes
Please don’t turn and walk away
Hold me in your arms
I’m so sorry I bailed
I just want you with me
It’s how my life should be
‘Cause you were meant for me
It’s something I now see
I just want you to try to love me again

Long Hard Road

2011-08-25T23:05:00.003-05:00

Last year I had to go to a different school once a week to teach. I hated it. I won't mention the school but the kids were selfish and rude and just plain irritating to be around. The teachers weren't much better. There were two other music teachers at the school that I liked but most of the other teachers were just "high and mighty" and self centered/serving. They would rarely show up on time to class and they caused all sorts of problems.

One day as I sat waiting for the class to show up I was sitting at the piano just tinkering around. I was trying to write a song using a chord progression going from a C major to a B diminished seeing as how it was something I had never done before. This was from listening to lots of jazz and some Frank. (Anyone who has to ask me Frank who will be dealt with accordingly!) I THOUGHT that I had done it with the piece of music. The first two chords were being played that way. Then about three weeks after I had written it I was playing it on my ukulele trying to figure out the fingerings and I played an E7 instead of the B diminished and I realized that THAT was the chord should be. I guess I still need to write my song with the C major/B dim change.

It was raining the day that I wrote the song - hence the "stormy clouds" line. My favorite part of the song was the refrain though - "It's a long, hard road, it's a heavy load, and I've gone about as far as I can go". Good heck I feel like that a lot. I'm sure others can relate quite well to it. At least I hope so.

I keep hearing this song on the ukulele. I think that is the instrument it should be accompanied by. I'm still trying to learn the uke well enough to play it and record it, so once I can play it I'll have to re-record it with that. I love the simplicity of the ukulele and how it takes a really good melody to be accompanied by something as simple as a uke. I think it's fantastic that Eddie Vedder just released his "Ukulele Songs" album. For those of you who have not listened to it - you are completely missing out. Get a copy ASAP. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little ditty.

Stormy clouds will make me scream out loud
And I am swallowed by the sea
So I can’t seem to break free
There’s a truth I know that will not let me go
I fight to walk away from fate
Fight to sacrifice my fate

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

Rainy days won’t help me lose my way
I know when I am caught off guard
Falling down can be so hard
I guess I’ll ride the wind away from all my sins
I’m not sure I know what is right
Turning darkness into light

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

I’d die a million deaths but one is all it takes
I’d breathe each breath like it’s my last
Say what you will but I won’t let my old heart break
Hold me low but let me go

Stormy clouds will make me scream out loud
And I am swallowed by the sea
So I can’t seem to break free
There’s a truth I know that will not let me go
I fight to walk away from fate
Fight to sacrifice my fate

It’s a long, hard road
It’s a heavy load
And I’ve gone about as far as I can go

When the Roses Fall from the Sky

2011-08-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

I wrote this song after listening to the first single "The Roller" off of the new Beady Eye album. For those of you who don't know, Beady Eye is basically Oasis without Noel Gallagher. This single was quite poppy. As I read what people were saying about it I read that people said Liam Gallagher ripped it of from John Lennon's "Instant Karma" which is one of my favorite Lennon songs. I decided I wanted to rip off that song too. I only got as far as the first three chords. Everything changed quite naturally after those chords to something else.

This song is another example of me just saying wierd things to myself. I had the melody at the beginning but not a single lyric. As I continued to work on it I knew that I wanted it to be "when _____fall from the sky". I was driving around trying to think of something falling from the sky that would completely catch people off guard. I don't know if I saw a flower shop or actual roses, but when I sang "when the roses fall from the sky" I knew that I had found what I needed. The rest of it fell into place until I got to the chorus.

At the chorus I again had the melody but no words. I felt that this song had a very Brit-pop feel to it and I wanted to bring a British feel to it. One of my all time favorite movies is Guy Ritchie's "Snatch". I believe in this movie is where I first heard the phrase "easy peezy lemon squeezy". I loved it! I love Cockney rhyming slang and I wish that I spoke it better. I was able to throw it into the song and it's my favorite part of it now. I love getting to the chorus and being able to sing it.

I don't know what the song is about. Parts of it seem to be about struggling - parts of it seem to be about pushing through the struggles. I'm so confused...

When the roses fall from the sky
That’s the day I’ll stop asking why
And the burdens bear down on me will break
More than once I’ve waved you goodbye
More than once I’ve wished I could die
But I’m running out of excuses just to make

All the silly people know me
They’ve been watching me all night
All of ambitions shouldn’t come as a surprise
Running in and out of nowhere
Dancing on a thin white line
Life is just for living and I’ve got no time to live for mine

It’s all easy peasy
It’s all lemon squeezy
Falling down just to stand up seems like it’s all I ever do
In this crazy bubble
I’ll call out my troubles
Don’t abandon me ‘cause I don’t have the hope you want to see

When you call on me for the blame
And there’s really nothing to gain
Will I try to be a pauper or a king?
When tomorrow calls for her fools
And I can’t accept all the rules
Can I solve the problems I have by what I sing?

Something in tomorrow’s sunrise
Paints a picture in my mind
Don’t depend upon me, I’m the blind leading the blind
I may be a visionary
Questioning what’s wrong or right
But I’ve got my reasons I keep following the light that shines

It’s all easy peasy
It’s all lemon squeezy
Falling down just to stand up seems like it’s all I ever do
In this crazy bubble
I’ll call out my troubles
Don’t abandon me ‘cause I don’t have the hope you want to see

Wicked Has Her Ways

2011-08-23T22:23:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song over the summer while driving around Memphis delivering pizzas. I had the melody for a few weeks before I had any actual lyrics. Sometimes when I'm trying to come up with lyrics I just start saying strange phrases in my head to myself. I look for flow of presentation. It doesn't always have to mean something specific. Usually if it does mean something it just means that I got lucky.

There were three lines that really made this song come together. "But this is my last show of colors, goodbye lovers now, wicked has her ways". I knew I had something cool once I had those three lines, but the next line "and even sinners pray for something" - that was the nail in the coffin for me. Just something about that line ripped me up. Once that I had the entire chorus I found myself singing it to myself often. I still do. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. That doesn't happen a whole lot. There's a song I just wrote this last week that I haven't finished the lyrics on yet that is always in my head like this song.

As for the meaning of this song - I don't know. It's strange to go back and read the lyrics sometimes after writing a song because I don't always remember exactly why I wrote something. I do know that part of the meaning is that its okay if life is not always sweet. In fact, it's expected to be bitter at times - which makes everything else seem sweeter when it does happen, hence the line "love won't always sing". Sometimes bad happens. Sometimes it happens a lot. Sometimes it doesn't seem as though it will go away... The jury is still out on that one for me.

Torn asunder by my hate

Broken twice in two

More than once I’ve twisted fate

I’m nobody’s fool

Acid falls against my skin

Demons pull me low

I can taste the ash of sin

I feel trapped in this freak show

I don’t claim to know

But this is my last show of colors

Goodbye lovers now

Wicked has her ways

And even sinners pray for something

Love won’t always sing

Spiraling out of control

Fatalism wins

Falling down the rabbit hole

The mystery begins

I could fall into the sun

Death could be my friend

Angel wings have come undone

I’ve stopped trying to pretend

I don’t claim to know

But this is my last show of colors

Goodbye lovers now

Wicked has her ways

And even sinners pray for something

Love won’t always sing

The Smile You Had

2011-08-06T09:15:00.004-05:00

This song is somewhat of a mystery as to why I wrote it. I was living by myself in Logan, UT when I wrote it in a crappy attic apartment. Life pretty much sucked. I was single again and, as usual, I was falling apart. During this time period I went to the dollar theater by myself a lot. It was cheap entertainment that allowed me to lose myself for a few hours.

On the night I wrote this song I had gone to see "Never Been Kissed" with Drew Barrymore. Now, I had always been a huge fan of hers. I had the hots bad for her. I enjoyed the movie and headed home. I remember as I was driving home pouring over the thoughts in my head about finding 'someone' and being happy with them forever. All signs at that time in my life were pointed towards 'not gonna happen'.

It must have been cooler outside that evening because when I arrived at home I took of my jacket and threw it over the chair in my tiny living room. My guitar was sitting in the corner behind it. As the jacket landed one of the sleeves hit the guitar, creating a tone/funky chord. Like lightning to the brain this entire song was in my head! It was literally that fast. No words - just music. Now this was back in the time before I could record the idea on my phone and come back to visit it later, so I had to sit down right then and write it.

In the melody I could already hear the "hey hey hey hey" part. I wanted the song to be something easy to sing along with. The lyrics just kind of poured out once I started writing. The verses are kind of throw away, but I really do enjoy the chorus. As usual during this time, I'm writing about that special someone that I hadn't found (yet). I was looking but never able to find her. I was just going to have to wait a few years. It's one of those I've written that I occasionally find myself singing just for no reason. Those are the songs of mine I like the best.

The Smile You Had

Hey hey hey hey

I’m flying over you my friend now

Hey hey hey hey

With all I see there is no end

Hey hey hey hey

I’ve walked away from this before

Hey hey hey hey

And I’ve come back just wanting more

You stole my smile from me and now I want it back

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

Hey hey hey hey

The ocean’s pity overthrows

Hey hey hey hey

The angels teach me what they know

I’ll penetrate your lips to take away your sad

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Hey hey hey hey

You’ve given me vanilla bliss

Hey hey hey hey

I’m restless for your licorice kiss

I’d smash eternity to hear our cherub’s laugh

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Hey hey hey hey

I’m classified as fortune’s fool

Hey hey hey hey

I’m trapped inside myself so cruel

As far as I’m concerned there’s nothing that you lack

‘Cause I like the smile that you had

And I can’t help wonder why

You share with me that sparkle in your eye

I struggle to believe

Still this fairy tale’s come true

With everything that’s done by you

I’ve lost all myself inside you

Beast

2011-03-09T12:53:00.006-06:00

I know its been awhile since I have posted anything on here. Its not because I am struggling with writer's block. (Sometimes I wish I was!) I just haven't recorded anything for quite awhile. This song is one that I wrote and recorded in October of last year. I apologize for the vocals. They are definitely not the greatest.

I could have named this song "Regrets" because that is really what it is about - the regrets in life that haunt us for longer than we should allow them to. How often it seems that we continually kick ourselves for things that have happened in the past, including those things that we had no control over! Relationships, jobs, things we've said to friends, the way we've treated family members, etc. The list could go on and on.

This started off as something I was playing around with on the guitar. It had such a dark vibe to it that I almost abandoned it. As I continued to play it to myself the word 'beast' kept creeping into my mind. From there is where the rest of the song came from. For me this is just a reminder that the 'beast' (regrets) of life CAN and WILL get to you, but only if you let it.

Time’s a vicious beast who gives you nothing back
All you hold in your hands fades into the black

Everything you hope for seems to be in vain

You have tried your best to wash off all your stains

Struggle with the patterns you have locked in place

Breaking every mirror in which you see your face

You don’t have the answers you’ve been searching for

You have no desire to fight in this unholy war

Even with your demons on the run

You can feel yourself coming undone

Where you gonna run to?

Where you gonna run this time?

Are you gonna stay right here and try to face your crimes?

Everybody’s looking, everybody’s watching you

You don’t get to decide anything you want to do

Grabbed and pulled apart by those who think they know

Feels like being dragged by wild horses through the snow

If it’s best for you that doesn’t mean a lot

Try as hard as you may, I will not be bought

Who exactly do you think you are?

You are not trapped under some bell jar

Where you gonna run to?

Where you gonna run this time?

Are you gonna stay right here and try to face your crimes?

Everybody’s looking, everybody’s watching you

You don’t get to decide anything you want to do

With You

2010-11-01T10:42:00.003-05:00

This is breaking out of my pattern with the album I've been working on, but I needed to break the pattern. Sometimes I feel better doing that. I don't know if this song will be part of this project or part of another one I'll mulling around in my brain.

This is a new song I've written for my wife, Stephanie. I wrote the music for this the other night after watching something on TV. I heard a little clip from a song and it gave birth to the music for this song. The next day I came to school and wrote the entire music part but I hadn't come up with any lyrics for it. I recorded it on my phone for future use.

Friday night I was out delivering pizzas and listening to some of the backlog of songs on my phone and I came across this one from earlier this week. I started listening to it and tried to come up with the first line. "Swam across the sea..." My next thought was "What would I swim across the sea for?" and of course, my first thought was my wife. From that instance the rest of the words just poured out.

This may not seem like much of a song to anyone. It's short and not very extravagant, but only Stephanie truly knows how much songs and music mean to me. She sees me when I get so excited about a song that I can hardly restrain myself. She knows that I express myself best through music, so this will mean to most to her and that is what is most important to me.

I've written songs for Steph in the past. I sang one to her at our wedding reception and open house. It's been awhile though since I've written her one. So this is just a reminder to her of what she means to me. I'm grateful for her putting up with me and all of my oddities, especially over the last month. This last month I've felt like quite the emotional mess and she has taken good care of me as she always does.

Before Steph and I were married I was quite the depressed mess. Since getting married I have not had to battle depression at all like I used to until this last month. For some reason all of my demons decided to start rolling around in my head again and I felt like I was going mad. Again, Stephanie came through for me. I am and will always be eternally grateful for what she does for me in my life. I love you Steph!

Swam across the sea

I did it all to get myself to you

I just needed you with me

Time and again I’d do it just to prove

That I am no good alone

You’re the rhyme in all my poems

You’re the rights to all my wrongs

You’re the soul in all my songs

Climbed the highest peak

I had to put myself into your arms

Show to you how I was weak

And what it took for me to be disarmed

I’m your blue-eyed albatross

Yet you still carry my cross

You’re my brown-eyed fairy tale

Yes, I’ve found my holy grail

Died the hardest death

I’d follow you to places no one could

I would give you my last breath

I’d lose it all for you but I’d feel good

We’ve got time upon our side

And we’ve got nothing to hide

I can’t question love this true

I’m a better man with you

With You.mp3

Where I Belong

2010-10-30T00:44:00.004-05:00

This is a strange song to talk about but I must do so. This album that I have been working on will probably be called "Life" and with life there are both good and bad things. This happens to be one of the bad parts - one of the darkest moments of my life.

There was a period in my life when really didn't know what I was doing. I had a friend tell me to come to Phoenix with him to work. He was sure he could get me a job working with him and he was making very good money. I was not going to school at the time, I was living aimlessly at home, and I really was a waste of space. I went to Phoenix with him and he said I could live with him and his sister for a bit until I found my own place.

I didn't know it at the time but this friend of mine was a drug addict. His drug of choice was meth. This was when meth was still a fairly new drug. It wasn't new, but it wasn't as wide spread as it is now. When I got to Phoenix he offered me some, which I turned down. The next few days were awful after that.

Long story short - this was one of the worst incidents of my life. I lost one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world. Little did I know that it would soon be a permanent loss.

I don't tell this story, nor write this song to glamorize the use of drugs. It's quite the opposite - I hate drugs. I hate them with a passion. As I write this there are serious tears being shed because of how this one incident affected the friends in my life. How I wish I could go back and have been a better friend!

The chorus of this song is one of the most honest and personal things I have ever written. At the time I did feel completely trapped. I wish I had never left my home in Yuma because it was where I really belonged.

If there is a silver lining to this story and experience, it is that I was able to figure out what my path was after this. I saw what I DIDN'T want to be. It helped me learn a little bit more about myself, but it still breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces when I think about this.

Hopefully those of you who read this (if anyone does) will understand why I share such a personal story. Please don't think ill of me after reading this. Mistakes happens - its what we do to learn from them that matters.

There was a room

That I went in

Filled with smoke and mirrors

To hide the sin

And I had nothing

Nothing to lose

The devil laid his cards down

And I had to choose

This was life I’d never known

It made me cold down to the bone

I was stepping off the edge

Into something ugly

Now I feel so trapped

I wish that I could take it back

I wish that I had stayed at home

Where I belong

Instead I grabbed that bullet train

Inhaled it straight into my veins

‘Cause I was looking for someplace

Where I belong

I soon was kicked

Out of that room

It may as well have been

Tomorrow’s tomb

It all came tumbling

Out of my head

I heard a voice say “Leave

Or try to live life dead!”

I sat up through 20 nights

My head was filled with ardent lights

The crossroad said to “choose the right”

I hitched a ride with my soul

Now I feel so trapped

I wish that I could take it back

I wish that I had stayed at home

Where I belong

Instead I grabbed that bullet train

Inhaled it straight into my veins

‘Cause I was looking for someplace

Where I belong

03 Where I Belong.mp3

Don't Look at Me

2010-10-18T00:05:00.002-05:00

This song is not a song about a specific person. During the two years after I graduated from high school I started to become a very needy person. Sadly what I needed was someone to need me! I was such a prissy little girl! What was awful was that if a girl looked at me just right I would all of a sudden think that I could swoop in a save her from whatever imaginary plague she was dealing with. I know it's because I was not getting the attention I needed at home. Things were not good on that front. I mean, I was a cutter before it became so passe.

I was just looking for someone to need me and it was always through some chippie. So this song is about me looking back at the point of my life and giving myself a warning about it all. With the lyrics "don't look at me, in your eyes are things that I don't want to see" I'm really just saying "please don't look at me and make me think that for some reason you are in love with me or that I should be in love with you. I don't want to see what is going on in your eyes". Granted, at the time I was loving finding girlies I could devote myself to, but looking at it now I feel like a bit of a emotional man-whore. I might as well have set up shop and invited these girls over for a teaparty.

Now, I'm not knocking love and giving you're all to someone. I have clearly done so with my wife, but an eighteen year old boy does not need to be looking for this kind of commitment, especially if it is only going to be one-sided. This was my big problem. All of these relationships that I inserted myself into were one-sided. I was putting in everything and get nothing out. I think I damaged myself more by living my life like that.

She came out of nowhere
Grabbed me by the throat
I couldn’t think
Wrapped up in good intentions
Fireworks aside
Sweet poison drink

She reminds me of something I know
Maybe it’s something I let go
Like a princess trapped in some spell
I’m sure this can’t end well

Don’t look at me
Don’t look at me
In your eyes are things that I don’t want to see
Don’t look at me

Nobody could have known this
Nobody even tried
She was just bad news
Just a bit misleading
She’ll get you with her eyes
What’s a boy to do?

From her lips will come velvet sighs
And her words are all laced with lies
But you can’t see past your own needs
She will make you bleed

Don’t look at me
Don’t look at me
In your eyes are things that I don’t want to see
Don’t look at me

Here in the dark
Of this lonely night
She pulls me close
Drawn to her flame
But don’t play the game
There’s so much to lose

Don’t look at me
Don’t look at me
In your eyes are things that I don’t want to see
Don’t look at me

02 Don't Look at Me.mp3

Out the Gate

2010-10-08T13:12:00.003-05:00

So I am working on a new album. It is somewhat of a concept album, but by no means is it my original concept. Many people before me have done the same concept for an album. This album is simply titled "Life", so I am sure you can guess what it's about. All of the songs are from some point in my life starting with the night I graduated from high school.

This first song "Out the Gate" is about the type of person I was the night I graduated from high school. I thought I could take on the world singlehandedly. I was so wrong. I had no direction, no ambition. I was a quick road to destruction. I really thought I knew it all and that I needed no guidance or direction from anybody. Again, so wrong!

It's amazing what self reflection can produce. In essence, that is what this album is about. I have been thinking a lot about the poor choices I have made in my life that led me to bad place, but I have also been thinking about the wise decisions I have made that brought good into my life, such as my wife, my children, my education, etc. That's really what life is all about.

So for the next few months I will be posting songs on here that are part of this album. The songs are always changing lyrically and melodically. I will post different versions of the songs if I change them drastically. I already have written about six or seven of these songs, but I am always working on them. The songs will be about everything I have experienced and my great hope for this project is that someone listening might be able to relate to some experience or feelings in my life and see that they are not as alone as they may have thought they are.

Please feel free to ask any questions or offer any ideas or suggestions. I am always wanting to hear different views from different people. I really will take everything into consideration. My ideas for things are definitely not always the best. This project is very personal to me and I hope that you will look at this with that thought in mind. Get ready for the ride!

I threw myself into the night
The thunder made it feel so right
Still I was caught off guard by tears
Now it was time to face my fears

The current I was caught in pulled me every which way
I guess I lost myself when I forgot how to pray

The times, they didn’t seem so bad
But like a fool I never really knew what I had
I played with fire I couldn’t tame
And I burned everyone but never took any blame

I did my best to be as careless as I could be
I closed my eye to things I didn’t want to see

I was blind and so naïve
I had answers but I couldn’t believe
Young and dumb, fresh out the gate
I was going to have to hurt before it was too late

I thought that I would make my mark
Not if I’m living in the dark
I hitched a ride on lives not mine
I tried to leave my life behind

I took a shotgun ride with sinners, harlots, and fools
There was no use for me in keeping up with the rules

I was blind and so naïve
I had answers but I couldn’t believe
Young and dumb, fresh out the gate
I was going to have to hurt before it was too late

I’m no sinner
I’m a winner
I am no saint
File your complaint

I’m no sinner
I’m a winner
I am no saint
File your complaint

01 Out the Gate.mp3

Good, Better, Best

2010-09-13T12:48:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's been awhile since I have posted anything for you few fans out there. Don't worry, I have not had writer's block. In fact, I've had quite the opposite. I've had more of a creative outpouring in the last few weeks than I have in a long, long time. It's felt great to be able to do so. I find few things better in life (such as my wife, children, faith) than creating and writing new music. I really don't know what I would do without the ability to do so.

This song is one that I think I am going to have my school choir sing. Surprise - it's an uplifting song! I am really trying to gear my songs in a brighter emotional direction. I'm sure some of those downer songs will still make their way through every once in a while, but I am trying for other emotions.

This is about pushing through the rough times. The chorus to this song is taken from a poem I have heard a great deal while growing up. It was actually used in schools long ago as a way to teach students how to use the three words 'good', 'better', and 'best' (as opposed to good, gooder, and goodest!). I've started to understand a little bit more that "kicking against the pricks" is better than just putting up with life. Take it and make it yours.

On a technical note, I got myself a new microphone to record with. It produces a much better sound, but there is a hum to the recording. I am trying to figure out how to rid my future recordings of such. Please bear with me.

Sometimes I need a little bit of faith

To get me out of the rain

A little push from behind

Always helps to remind

It’s never easy to be

All the things I know I should be

I know the right things to do

So I’ll keep trying to push myself through

Sometimes I need a little bit of faith

To get me out of the rain

A little push from behind

Always helps to remind

I’ve got a lot on my plate

That I can’t do if I’m filled with hate

I know that I can do more

But unless I spread my wings there’s no way I can soar

Good, better, best

I’ll never let it rest

Until my good is better

And my better is best

I’ll put myself to the test

Sometimes I need a little bit of faith

To get me out of the rain

A little push from behind

Always helps to remind

I’ve got my future in my hands

If I’m gonna change the world I need to learn how to stand

The world is at my fingertips

No matter what happens I’m not jumping ship

Good, better, best

I’ll never let it rest

Until my good is better

And my better is best

I’ll put myself to the test

Good, Better, Best.mp3

Good Rain

2010-08-04T23:50:00.002-05:00

I wrote the music for this song around end of May/early June. The words finally arrived about two weeks ago. I wrote them in car while I was waiting for Steph to finish up some shopping during a good rain storm. I love how surroundings influence what you're doing. The meaning behind this song is really quite religious. I didn't intend it to be that way, but it has ended up so. I am not going to tell what it all means. You'll have to interpret it yourself.

One thing in there is the line "21, I'm boxing my shadow." This is a reference to the complete sodding idiot I was when I was that age. That whole period of my life was complete darkness. I was my own worst enemy. Sometimes I wonder if I still am...

I really love the path this song takes. It's not a hard song. The chord structure is simple. The melody is easy. The song just flows along, especially when it gets to the reprise. I didn't actually realize how personal this song was until just now as I was reading through it again. Hopefully you'll like it.

I submit myself to the good rain
Wash away my sins
Turn the key that locks up my shadows
It’s about to begin

Greener pastures try to elude me
Living on the run
I do things I know that I shouldn’t
But I’m saved by the sun

Twenty-one, I’m boxing my shadow
And it hurts so bad
I destroyed myself in a moment
Walked away from all
From all I had

Disappointment peppers emotion
Fate pulls out my spine
Separate myself from the rhythm
Finding my light to shine

Locked away for failing my duties
I don’t want to be
Broken into pieces of nothing
Cause by my vanity

Twenty-one, I’m boxing my shadow
And it hurts so bad
I destroyed myself in a moment
Walked away from all
From all I had

I submit myself to the good rain
Wash away my sins
Turn the key that locks up my shadows
It’s about to begin

Twenty-one, I’m boxing my shadow
And it hurts so bad
I destroyed myself in a moment
Walked away from all
From all I had

Good Rain.mp3

Top of the World

2010-08-03T21:02:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song sometime while Steph and the kids were gone. I wasn't too sure about it because I wondered if it might sound a bit too hokey. I recently decided it wasn't. When you keep singing a song over and over again in your head without getting sick of it - that's probably a good thing.

So again this is my Oasis kick. I know this song sounds nothing like Oasis, but it was definitely inspired by them - at least the chord structure was. They have songs with similar chord structures - I III7 vi IV. (If you don't know what that means ask someone who has taken music theory.)

As for the words - I know sometimes my songs can be a little dark. With this one I was trying to stay away from "too dark", but I see that there is still a shade of shadow in there. The song really is about being on top of your game in life. Sometimes we get there and it is a great feeling. Nothing can stop us and we are happy. That's what this song is trying to scratch at. It's a lot easier to talk about than to achieve, but there's no reason in no trying to get there.

I’m on top of the world now
I’ve got aces to spare
In the back of my mind though
I just feel like you don’t care

I’ve got all that I wanted
Ain’t no ransom from me
I’m the king of my wishes
But I’m blind as I can be
And they’ve got nothing on me

You can only see what’s on the surface
Hate was never known by any other name
Are you looking for an answer or a purpose?
It’s no game

I’m on top of the world now
I’ve got aces to spare
In the back of my mind though
I just feel like you don’t care

I won’t live as a martyr
Like the rest I am frail
I know I’m not the greatest
But I know I will prevail
I won’t always have to fail

I won’t always throw myself into the fast lane
There are more important things for me to do
All these thoughts are spinning circles round in my brain
Nothing new

I’m on top of the world now
I’ve got aces to spare
In the back of my mind though
I just feel like you don’t care

I’ve got all that I wanted
Ain’t no ransom from me
I’m the king of my wishes
But I’m blind as I can be
And they’ve got nothing on me
And they’ve got nothing on me

Top of the World.mp3

Back of My Mind

2010-07-30T16:14:00.003-05:00

So I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything new here. It's for lack of material. It's because it's a lot harder to record new music at home. There is just rarely anyplace or anytime for quiet so that I can record. Not that I am complaining about my children. Recording music is just easy to do in this house with four children under the age of six.

This song came about from listening to a lot of Oasis. I love that group and was saddened when I heard they had broken up. The only good thing is that I will still be able to hear great music from Noel as he starts a solo career and Liam has his new band Beady Eyes which should be putting out some new music soon.

There is really nothing to this song. I was just trying to write really simple lyrics to go with a really simple melody. This is an unstrained song. There is nothing hard about it. It was easy to write and it's easy to sing.

Morning breaks across my window
Calling me by names I don’t know
A storm’s a-coming, which way will it blow?

Lightning beats its way through my head
All the lights I’m seeing are red
Now I’m watching where my footsteps tread

In the back of my mind I’m insane
In the back of my mind I’ll refrain
In the back of my mind where I feel so plain
But it’s not the same without the pain

Mad fer it I always will be
Even living in my own tree
I don’t care what anybody sees

One day all of this will be gone
Gone away with morning’s new dawn
Hard as it may be keep moving on

In the back of my mind I’m insane
In the back of my mind I’ll refrain
In the back of my mind where I feel so plain
But it’s not the same without the pain

Morning breaks across my window
Calling me by names I don’t know
A storm’s a-coming, which way will it blow?

Lightning beats its way through my head
All the lights I’m seeing are red
Now I’m watching where my footsteps tread

In the back of my mind I’m insane
In the back of my mind I’ll refrain
In the back of my mind where I feel so plain
But it’s not the same without the pain

Back of My Mind.mp3

Speed of Light

2010-06-28T01:56:00.002-05:00

I was doing some cleaning the other day and came across this song just sitting in a notebook. I honestly can't remember when I wrote it. In fact, I don't even remember if the melody and music that I recorded for it a few days ago is the same as when I wrote it. I took the words to the piano and sat down to play through it and I didn't have to figure out what it was - it just came to me. I think I wrote this song about a year ago, but I'm not 100% sure.

I don't remember much about this song - not even what led me to write it. But after finding it a few days ago I really like it and was excited to get it recorded so I could post it.

And when I jumped I hit the moon

I’d cast away my pearls

And fallen off the world

Through a seer stone I saw

My flaws and my mistakes

The hearts that I would break

Into the speed of light I cast my shadow

I’m searching for forgiveness everywhere

Am I prepared now to step into heaven?

Or am I close enough to care?

No matter what you do

I’m no worse off than you

I’m stuck inside a room that’s got no windows

And through this photograph

I’ll tear my soul in half

I can’t communicate with those I don’t know

And on my knees I searched for God

I looked into the skies

I looked into His eyes

I saw the fool I had become

The faith that I had lost

And all that it had cost

Into the speed of light I cast my shadow

I’m searching for forgiveness everywhere

Am I prepared now to step into heaven?

Or am I close enough to care?

No matter what you do

I’m no worse off than you

I’m stuck inside a room that’s got no windows

And through this photograph

I’ll tear my soul in half

I can’t communicate with those I don’t know

Speed of Light.mp3

Feeling All Right

2010-06-13T23:29:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song one afternoon while I was finishing up at school last month. I had been listening to a lot of big band music, mostly Frank Sinatra. I decided to try a write a song in his style, lyrics and all.

Lyrics from those old songs are so much better than what I hear out there today. There are few lyricists that can mold the English language better than some of those who Frank worked with. This song was just meant to be a bouncy little piece. I wrote it as though Frank would sing it himself, hence the line about being about boozing is not my speaking in my own voice.

It's not much, but its just a quick little easy song that I really liked once it all fell into place.

Sunday morning
Give a little warning
You want to go out
But I had a late night
Take the dog walkin’
Do a little talkin’
Come back after noon when I’m a-feelin’ all right

I’m still snoozing’
Did a little boozin’
Me and the boys were out
And had quite a few
We went clubbin’
Hubbing and bubbin’
Looks like I won’t be outta bed until two

You’ll see I’m an awful mess
You’ll see and I must confess
I’ll be no good to you
Unless I can sleep until two

Sunday morning
Give a little warning
You want to go out
But I had a late night
Take the dog walkin’
Do a little talkin’
Come back after noon when I’m a-feelin’ all right
Come back and see me when I’m feelin’ all right
Don’t come back and bother me
Until I’m feelin’ all right

Feeling All Right.mp3

There's No Harm

2010-06-12T14:38:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song yesterday and recorded it this afternoon. It was one of those songs that just had a natural flow to it. I had watched a movie the other day that had a this cool little waltzy type instrumental piece in it. I started playing around with different chord progressions and 3/4 time signatures. This is what came of it. This is definitely one of the easiest songs I've written in a while. Everything came it to it easily - words and melody. It almost guided me in the right direction the song should do. I love it when that happens.

I don't know what the song is about. Maybe taking life easy. Maybe speaking up more. I really don't know. The words just flowed out as well. Sometimes a song doesn't have to have a meaning or a message. They are sometimes the best songs...

All that you say

Just gets in the way

We’re spinning in trouble again

Someone will cry

When somebody dies

We’re getting away in the end

If you don’t talk no one will hear

It’s a long walk that brought you back home

So now don’t run into open arms

Let it be, can’t you see there’s no harm

Wild and confused

My brain is abused

Theses voices crawl out of my head

Heavy this load

My heart will explode

There’s nothing that has gone unsaid

If you don’t talk no one will hear

It’s a long walk that brought you back home

So now don’t run into open arms

Let it be, can’t you see there’s no harm

If I just don’t speak

I will not seem weak

And I can’t be scared

I can’t cling to the things that aren’t there

All that you say

Just gets in the way

We’re spinning in trouble again

Someone will cry

When somebody dies

We’re getting away in the end

If you don’t talk no one will hear

It’s a long walk that brought you back home

So now don’t run into open arms

Let it be, can’t you see there’s no harm

There's No Harm.mp3

Why Do You Make the Angels Weep?

2010-06-12T00:50:00.002-05:00

I think I was still in high school when I wrote this song. At this time I was starting to branch out from writing the cheesy typical bubblegum pop love songs. I was starting to see the world for the dark place that it was. In high school I really started to hate every thing. I didn't fit in, but looking back now I'm not sure that I wanted to. This song was not the typical song that a high school senior would write.

It's about being in an abusive relationship - plain and simple. There was a lot of irony in my writing of this song. It came back to bite me in 98-99 when I was in my own very abusive relationship and I was on the receiving end. Its just funny how life works out. Four to five years later after writing this song I was living the lines "Where do you cry when you're alone" and "Why do you fill your hands with stones". Even worse I was asking the line "Do you deserve all of this? Maybe so."

I love this song because after I wrote it I felt so good about myself as a songwriter. I love my Dad and he has always looked out for me in my life. During my senior year in high school he told me that I'd never make it as a songwriter. (So far he's been right!) He said that musicians were a dime a dozen and that I didn't have anything special that people would notice. I took that as a challenge and starting working really hard at writing songs. This song was one result of his comment. Mind you, I don't hold it against him. In fact, I'm grateful for the comment because it pushed me to places in my heart and mind that I had never visited before. It taught me to trust myself.

When you write a song, you really have to trust yourself and your instincts. You write a melody and there are a million different places you can take it when you come to the bridge or the chorus. You have to learn to trust that the decision you make for that song is the best one possible. This is what my Dad helped me to do. He pushed me to be more creative. This was the start of my creativity/madness - depending on which side of the coin you're looking at. Enough of my babbling. Below are the lyrics that are actually close to being 20 years old. Not too bad for a 17 year old freak.

I watched him take you for a stormy ride

He took you too far to the other side

He wound you up so tight you couldn’t stop

Then buried you alive and got on top

Though you say you had control

No one made you sell your soul

He gave to you – you took without a doubt

You have to give to him if you want out

I know you can’t sleep in the bed you’re in

You’ve won yourself a loss and lost a win

You’d walk away but you don’t dare

No you haven’t got a prayer

Why do you make the angels weep?

Where do you cry when you’re alone?

Why do you make the angels weep?

Why do you fill your hands with stones?

The only things he says to you are with a fist

The only tears you shed are from your wrist

Your picture perfect world has broken glass

You say it’s not that bad, the storm will pass

Even if you had the chance

You’d continue with this dance

Why do you make the angels weep?

Where do you cry when you’re alone?

Why do you make the angels weep?

Why do you fill your hands with stones?

You can’t get back what he’s stolen

Why should you even think to try?

And with your rose red lips now swollen

There’ll be no more asking why

Only lies

Tonight there’ll be no goodnight kiss

Do you deserve all of this?

Maybe so

Why do you make the angels weep?

Where do you cry when you’re alone?

Why do you make the angels weep?

Why do you fill your hands with stones?

13 Why Do You Make the Angels Weep 1.mp3

Corkscrew

2010-06-11T15:19:00.002-05:00

This is again one of those weird lyrical songs a la "I am the Walrus". When I write a song like this I can pretty much name it whatever I want. For this one I just glanced over the lyrics and picked the word that stood out the most to me. It's not about a corkscrew. I don't own a corkscrew. I have never used a corkscrew. In fact, corkscrews look like an accident waiting to happen.

Any road, I was playing around on the guitar and came up with this chord progression. It has some pretty standard chords to it, but I was trying out tiny alterations to those chords. This is what I came up with. I love the chorus - "She screams out...". It's fun to sing, but also to play. In terms of the chords it starts off with an A major chord, then down to an A major 7th chord, then to an A 7th chord. I always like a little chromatic drop in chords. If I was only a better guitar player. With short, stubby (and now fat) fingers come some limits.

The other thing I was trying to do was pick out words that aren't always heard on a daily basis to throw into this song. I took myself out of my normal comfort zone for writing music on this song. Normally my songs and lyrics are pretty safe. What I would do is write a few lines that rhymed and then I'd re-write it as though I'd gone batty. This was a little bit more challenging for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the writing process for this one.

Walled in with her silence

And all this violence

Has nothing on me

Head on like a corkscrew

I cannot undo

All that you see

There nothing do but watch your mind

A heart attack would not be so kind

It’s all early morning

Not even a warning

To save my own life

I’m staying in bed here

Drinking my own tears

Twisting the knife

Disparity calms a soul that aches

It’s all just a ruse for heaven’s sakes!

She shouts out words she read in a bible

Oh such confusion that will blister on her soul

Pop princess spends her time in revival

Tearing the world apart just to find herself a role

These thoughts here are not mine

Stay in the black lines

You’re moving out

You’re wearing a disguise

Yet you seem so wise

Licking your pout

You’re doing your best to stay on your feet

This life that you live is stuck on repeat

She shouts out words she read in a bible

Oh such confusion that will blister on her soul

Pop princess spends her time in revival

Tearing the world apart just to find herself a role

Down in a distress

Falling through air

I get the answer pulling hair

Muddy conviction

Follows me through

I ain’t got much but I got you

Walled in with her silence

And all this violence

Has nothing on me

Head on like a corkscrew

I cannot undo

All that you see

There nothing do but watch your mind

A heart attack would not be so kind

She shouts out words she read in a bible

Oh such confusion that will blister on her soul

Pop princess spends her time in revival

Tearing the world apart just to find herself a role

Corkscrew.mp3

Always Fail (I'm Sorry)

2010-06-04T18:38:00.002-05:00

Life is funny. Most people I know have wonderful intent in their own lives. What they want to do is always for the best. They try to do things in a selfless manner that will help raise those up around them. I'm not saying that those are not my intents in life. They very much are, but it seems like I'm always falling short.

I have not always had others interests in mind when I've done things in life. There have been times when I have very much been a selfish sod. I did things to get ahead in life. I only worried about me and my feelings. In the end, I never did get ahead, and my feelings were usually shredded to bits because of the enormous amount of guilt that racked my soul. I'm not very good and dealing with guilt. It's like a sliver under my fingernail. It just keeps festering and festering until I become completely mad!

This song is really an apology to all those in my life that I seem to let down on a continual basis - my wife, my parents, my children, my friends - everyone. I am now at a point now in my life that I care very little about my own desires. It's all right - it's tickety boo. I find my own happiness in making my family happy. I do all I can for them because I want to - the desire is there. HOWEVER, as previously stated, I let them down. It's that whole problem of not being perfect. I often feel tuned the moon when I mess up because it is never my intent. I am always trying. I guess the problem is that I am me.

Any road - like I said, this song is an eternal apology for those that I let down on what seems like a daily basis. I love you all and I'm trying. It's hard, especially when I can be such a stupid get.

I’ve done it wrong

I’ve been a mess for oh so long

And though I pray

It seems I always lose my way

What should I see?

Is there someplace that I should be?

I cannot find

What’s wrong inside my broken mind

I try my best

But still it seems you’re not impressed

I feel the hurt

I’m sorry if I make life worse

I guess there’s nothing else I can do

I’ve always tried so hard to make sure I was good to you

I hate the things that I can’t undo

For you I guess I failed

I try, but always fail

You hate the wait

The waiting for life to be great

I killed your dreams

Each day I’m trying to redeem

And how I bleed

Just knowing I can’t fill your needs

I guess there’s nothing else I can do

I’ve always tried so hard to make sure I was good to you

I hate the things that I can’t undo

Again, for you, I failed

I try, but always fail

Always fail

Always Fail (I'm Sorry).mp3

Hemisphere

2010-05-31T09:41:00.003-05:00

This song lyrically came about from a late, late night writing session of mine. When I say late night I mean about midnight. When I say session I mean I was lying in bed and typing lyrics in my phone that popped into my head. I love writing songs like this - the ones that really have no meaning or sense to them. I just like putting words together, especially if I've got a good melody to put them to. There is nothing in this song that I can give any explanation for. It's just a song.

Oh dear, hemisphere
I’ve been drinking my fear
Baby’s with a bottle and she got it for free

Panda bear, broken chair
Falling down the upstairs
Ollie, ollie, oxen and they’re coming for me

So what’s the point
Of being dead?
The good I’ve done
Is in the red
I’m outta breath
In outer space
I left my smile
On my other face

Tin can, Superman
Chasing down your one fan
Riding elevators till the sunset comes

Ice cream, you scream
Daddy’s had a bad dream
Waiting on a waller and we’ve come undone

I’m on a roll
Through spikes and nails
The wound is deep
From cobra tails
I lost my thumb
Under my bed
The end has come
It’s all been said

I’ll ride this storyline
Till I’m eating up the floor
Two for a dollar
And I find I’m wanting more
I’ll scratch my eyes all out
Till they’re black and navy blue
Stuck to a spinning wheel
Where I feel like you’re the best that I can do

Crocodile, big smile
Pink polka dot tile
Chewing on my fingers till I hit the bone

Bent nail, tall tale
Mama’s looking too pale
I’m not gonna be the one to cast the first stone

So what’s the point
Of being dead?
The good I’ve done
Is in the red
I’m outta breath
In outer space
I left my smile
On my other face

I’ll ride this storyline
Till I’m eating up the floor
Two for a dollar
And I find I’m wanting more
I’ll scratch my eyes all out
Till their black and navy blue
Stuck to a spinning wheel
Where I feel like you’re the best that I can do

Hemisphere.mp3

Treasure Beyond Measure

2010-05-20T14:07:00.002-05:00

So yesterday my wife sent me a link to some pictures that were taken of my newest son, Harris. I was sitting looking at them and I started thinking about my other son, Lennon. I started to think about how sweet of a little boy he is and how much I have to look forward to with him in the future.

Of course as any proud father I want my kids to grow up with some of the same interests as me. The thing I want them to appreciate most is being creative - whatever that may be for them. They don't have to be creative in music (believe it or not!), just as long as they can look within themselves for some sort of creativity - music, writing stories, art, dance, etc.

Lennon is a special boy. He doesn't say a whole lot right now, but he's getting better at it. He speaks more through his eyes than through his mouth. He just lights up my day, as do all my kids. Lennon is my oldest boy and so there are great expectations with him. The line "now I see you in my eyes" is the fact that I can similarities between him and me. I hope and pray for the good similarities to rise to the surface. Every line in this song has something to do with him. This is a song for him.

Who do you play with?
Who do you play with when you’re done?
What’s with the message?
You’re looking for new words in the sun
I can tell you all the things you need to go
If you’re troubled there’s a few things that I know

Growing up older
Growing up older than you seem
Something in your eyes
Tells me you’re living like a dream
I believe it when you tell me that you can
You will show me things I hope to understand

You’re a treasure beyond measure
I hope you can sing along
Your existence is my pleasure
With you I did not go wrong

Wait for the morning
Wait for the morning light to fall
Praying for someone
Someone I know will give their all
You’re the reason I’ll watch the sun burn out
In your own time you will do away with doubt

You’re a treasure beyond measure
I hope you can sing along
Your existence is my pleasure
With you I did not go wrong

Now I see you
Now I see you in my eyes
Now I see you
Now I see you in my eyes
Now I see you
Now I see you in my eyes
Now I see you as me

Who do you play with?
Who do you play with when you’re done?
What’s with the message?
You’re looking for new words in the sun
I can tell you all the things you need to go
If you’re troubled there’s a few things that I know

You’re a treasure beyond measure
I hope you can sing along
Your existence is my pleasure
With you I did not go wrong

Treasure Beyond Measure.mp3

Confess

2010-05-19T23:50:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I just like a self depricating song and that's what we have here. Some days are better than others and some days I just feel dark and drab. These lyrics came from that place.This was a few weeks ago and for some reason I was in a slump. I'm out of it now, but I do fall into it from time to time.The thing about it is that for me, writing music is the best type of therapy. It really helps.

Can I tell you specifically what this song is about? Not really. Just the fact that sometimes I can't stand myself and I really do feel like such a mess. There is never really anything specific - just the feeling that I am substandard as a human being. The things that help pull me out of these slumps, besides self therapy, are my family. My wife and kids are the "I can pull through if I've got you" part of this song. Good thing they are around!!

Darlin’
You’ve opened my eyes to the sadness
Brought me back away from the madness
I’m cracked on the surface
But light is enveloping me

This time
I’ll pick up the pieces around me
Find comfort as you now surround me
I’ll look for redemption
I won’t fight this battle alone

And I, I must confess
How I’ve made myself such a mess
I can’t heal if I can’t feel
I have nothing left to conceal

Losing
I think that those days are behind me
I don’t think my demons will find me
I clawed my way out
Of the hole that I put myself in

Silent
My eyes tell the path I have travelled
My soul is no longer unraveled
I’m free of the weight
And I have no more burden on me

And I, I must confess
How I’ve made myself such a mess
I can’t heal if I can’t feel
I have nothing left to conceal

There’s no more pain
Inside this brain
There’s no more rope for me to hang myself on
There’s no more grief
Only relief
There’s no more ledges left for me to jump off
No longer a fool
Not breaking the rules
I’m keeping my head above this water I’m in
I can pull through
If I’ve got you
I can pull through
If I’ve got you
I can pull through
If I've got you
I can pull through
If I've got you
I can pull through
If I've got you
I can pull through

Confess.mp3

Fight Worth Fighting

2010-05-18T11:28:00.002-05:00

So I've been trying to find ways to make some money with all this music I've been writing. It's not an easy task. It tends to cost a lot of money to make money when it comes to the music biz. There are a few songwriter websites that I am a part of. On these websites they have contests and such about writing music for different artists. I came across one a few weeks ago to submit songs to Keith Urban for his next album. The songs had to be country and dealing with a positive lyric. There were two problems for me - my songs are not country songs, and my songs tend to be a little too dark to be considered positive.

I decided to take upon myself the challenge of writing a song in a style completely foreign to me and this is what I got. I really like the song. My problem with writing upbeat lyrics is that they tend to come across as mushy and bubblegum. I don't think these lyrics are in that category, but I could be wrong. The cool thing about this song is that I could total hear Keith Urban singing it in my head as I was writing it. So it's submitted and we'll see what happens. I am not getting my hopes up for nothing. It would sure be weird for me to have to start writing country music if something came of this though. I never thought I'd ever see it happen.

The song is about fighting against the world to keep your marriage alive. We all know that the world deems divorce as an acceptable escape when two people get tired of each other. In fact, it seems to be the answer to everything now days. I don't agree with that thought process one bit. Divorce is necessary in many instances and I hate to say that I've seen some of those instances take place close to home. It's a hard thing to watch, but sometimes everything works out for the better. This song is dedicated to all those married people who keep at it day in and day out.

When the going gets tough
I’m coming to you to shelter me from the storm
In this old, cold world
You’re the only thing keeping me warm

You and I do our best
We’re trying so hard to keep the demons outside
But we’ve got a lot
That’s keeping our love here alive

And we’re pushing against the tide
And we’re crossing the Great Divide
You’re a fight worth fighting for
Because it’s you that I adore
You make me feel so glad to be alive

I’m on top of the world
Although the world is trying to bring me down
It’s a constant battle
A constant run around

At the end of the day
I come home to you and everything is okay
It’s the moment I’m looking forward to everyday

And we’re pushing against the tide
And we’re crossing the Great Divide
You’re a fight worth fighting for
Because it’s you that I adore
You make me feel so glad to be alive

It doesn’t matter what they say or what they do
I can walk through fire as long as I got you

And we’re pushing against the tide
And we’re crossing the Great Divide
You’re a fight worth fighting for
You and me and nothing more
You make me feel so glad to be alive
You make me feel so glad to be alive
You make me feel so glad to be alive

Fight Worth Fighting.mp3

Ghost

2010-04-29T14:55:00.002-05:00

I don't want anyone to think that I've not been writing songs as of late. I have been, but I haven't been getting them recorded as quickly. It's allergy season and that screws with my voice. It's irritating, but part of life.

This song is called "Ghost". It's honestly about a man that gets killed by his love (girlfriend, wife, lover, etc.). She blamed him for everything wrong in her life and killed him because he wasn't helping her. The reality of the story is that she was so messed up in her own life that he was the sadder of the two and he struggled more by just being with her. In the end she kills him and now he comes back to haunt her and frighten her. She did wrong and now she will pay for it. I really like this song and enjoy singing it. Sometimes songs are just like that.

Tonight
The world will stop spinning
The whites of our eyes will scream
‘Cause we’re trapped inside our dreams

So long
You’ve waited for something
But nothing has come your way
It’s a cold, dark day again

But can you see
That it’s not me
You are not the one who hurts the most
You cast your pearls
Before the world
You have taken everything from me
And left me a ghost

Slipping
My tongue is still twisting
I’m stuck with a heart of black
And you won’t come back for more

Broken
I cannot repair you
But I am the one you blame
Why do I remain with you?

But can you see
That it’s not me
You are not the one who hurts the most
You cast your pearls
Before the world
You have taken everything from me
And left me a ghost

Now I’m not there
Do you feel scared?
I will frighten you

Ghost.mp3

More or Less

2010-04-19T08:30:00.002-05:00

The words may seem redundant in this song - they are really not. As I started writing lyrics for this the first two lines that I wrote for the verse started off "the more I _____, the more I _____". I decided that I wanted to write the whole song like that - just pushing visuals at the listen as fast as I could. I love that thought process of ideas.

I love the chorus because it tells you what type of person exists in this song. The first line I came up with for the song was "I'm a bad excuse for breathing", meaning this person is just a complete waste of space. Breathing should be reserved for someone else who will get more use out of it than this person. "I'm a scratch that won't stop bleeding" refers to the fact that this person needs real attention given to them in order to get rid of he/she. There are connections and contradictions throughout the song, hopefully giving it a sense of layered confusion.

The more I push, the more I crack
The more I want, the more I lack
The more I hurt, the more I bleed
The more I lose, the more I need

The more I think, the less I know
The more I come, the less I go
The more I chew, the less I bite
The more I love, the less I fight

On broken knees
I make my pleas

I’m a bad excuse for breathing
I’m a wandering eye
I’m a scratch that won’t stop bleeding
I’m a lover’s lie
When the hearts have all stopped beating
I’ll be laughing last
I’ll be giving up tomorrow
Just to taste the past

The more I speak, the less I scream
The more I sleep, the less I dream
The more I breathe, the less I die
The more I scream, the less I lie

It’s all too much
For just on touch

I’m a bad excuse for breathing
I’m a wandering eye
I’m a scratch that won’t stop bleeding
I’m a lover’s lie
When the hearts have all stopped beating
I’ll be laughing last
I’ll be giving up tomorrow
Just to taste the past

More or Less.mp3

Youth is Wasted on the Young

2010-04-15T15:27:00.003-05:00

I got to school yesterday morning and was in the cafeteria doing my morning duties of making sure mayhem doesn't break out. While I was walking around watching the students this tune popped into my head. I kept humming it over and over to myself while I was walking around. When I finally got my piano in my classroom I sat down and plugged out the chords for it. I worked on the song throughout the day, but I couldn't find an easy title for it. I wanted it to be something that was just a simple phrase - possibly something I had heard people say before. Eventually this phrase came to my head and it was the title of the song and it finished up my song for me.

I know the song is short - that's on purpose. I teach my students a lot of folk music and the one thing I love about these old songs is how short they are, but yet some of them are so cool. This isn't destined to go down in history as a folk song, but I was trying to write something short and I accomplished it. It's just a great little song that is fun to sing and play.

Now here's the kicker - the song is actually about the decay of American society. I don't normally write about things of this nature, but I see so many different things around me that just rub me raw. I thought I'd put it out there in a song. There's just too much fighting, selfishness, and lack of respect in this country anymore. There are subtle hints of this in the song. These are my own personal views, but the more I hear around me I am not alone in this thought. The world is rude and selfish. Let's try and get that fixed.

There’s no reason left to cry
We’re still getting by
All the good has now been undone
On the broken wings of dove
You’ll find shaded love
Youth is wasted on the young

Time has seen this life of mine
I’m still doing time
Now my troubles have begun
The system that I’m in
Is never gonna win
Youth is wasted on the young

Silly as it all may seem
No one’s getting free
No one underneath this old sun
Rebels like to pick their fights
Can’t we all unite?
Youth is wasted on the young

Try to live out your days
In the best of ways
Don’t just run away

Youth is Wasted on the Young.mp3

Die Every Day

2010-04-14T16:44:00.002-05:00

I started writing this on Sunday I think. Sometimes I write songs with ideas for it in mind. Other times they just come up and I kind of have to follow them. I literally feel as though I am being pulled around on a leash by the song. That's kind of what happened with this. I just started writing and there were different directions that I thought the song should go, but it wouldn't let me. I had to follow the way it was taking me.

The song ends abruptly - yes I know. I did that on purpose. It was not a mistake. I just felt like that's how it should end. There were two different endings that I thought the song should have. One of them included more singing and then a nice ending. The other was this ending. The other ending was the safer ending - the one that would have been more widely accepted by the public. I completely decided against the traditional ending, strictly because I was more comfortable with it. Sometimes I do it that way.

The chorus of the song is for my wife. I would die every day to be with her if that's what life required. She's my world and I'm mad about her. Love you babe!

If I tried to break the sun to pieces
I’d find happiness within the dark
I’d accept the fact that I’m defeated
And I’ve known that from the start

If I tried to swim the deepest ocean
I know that I couldn’t go alone
I’d be fine just going through the motions
But I’d feel it in my bones
Without you I can’t go home

It’s all on the wire
This love for you
I’m burning a fire I can’t undo
I’ll dig through the rubble
To pull you through
Time and time again I’ll come for you
I’d die every day to be with you

More than once I’ve battled things I can’t see
I’ve got scars with stories of their own
I see things in you that you cannot see in me
All I want is you ‘cause you’re my home
You and I can have things we don’t know

It’s all on the wire
This love for you
I’m burning a fire
I can’t undo
I’ll dig through the rubble
To pull you through
Time and time again I’ll come for you
I’d die every day to be with you

Die Every Day.mp3

Walls

2010-04-13T16:28:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song last week. It's one of those songs for me that is just fun to sing. I love the chorus. It was one of those puzzle-piece song. Once the chorus was written it just came together. There is really nothing to the song in terms of meaning. I was just writing. I haven't felt the need to write songs with deep meanings lately. Lyrics are getting harder for me to write. Honestly, these are throw away lyrics. I would love to come up with something better in the future.

I broke down walls for you
You left me black and blue
You throw your stones at me
With hopes to make me bleed

Voices call out the dead
You fill yourself with dread
You push yourself away
But I can’t make you stay

I fall down these broken stairs
You’ve hurt me beyond repair
I hang by a thread for my own sake
And now I have crossed the line
I long for another time
It’s true that I cannot see behind these walls you’ve built for me and you

Hand slid across my eyes
Time to apologize
I know you cannot breathe
You live your life obscene

Swallow me on the breeze
Drown me in violent seas
I’ll wait to hear your song
But I won’t wait that long

I fall down these broken stairs
You’ve hurt me beyond repair
I hang by a thread for my own sake
And now I have crossed the line
I long for another time
It’s true that I cannot see behind these walls you’ve built for me and you

Walls.mp3

Own

2010-04-09T23:13:00.002-05:00

I wrote this song a few weeks ago, but I just finished the lyrics earlier today. I wrote this as I was falling asleep one night. I always have my phone on my nightstand and sometimes I'll get an idea and just roll over to grab my phone to record the basis for the song. Sometimes I'll hum a melody, sometimes I'll hum a chord progression. It just depends on what hits me. With this song it was the melody. My problem is that I don't know if this is song that somebody already wrote. It reminds me of another song but I can't tell you for the life of me what song that is!

The same thing happened with Paul McCartney when he wrote "Yesterday". (By the way - I am NOT comparing myself to McCartney or this song to "Yesterday".) He woke up one morning with the song in his head and figured it out quickly on the piano. He said it came to him so quickly and easily that he thought for sure that he hadn't written it. He thought it might be a song that he heard his dad play when he was a kid. Paul's dad was a jazz musician. Paul took the song around London to his musician friends for a while and would play it for them, asking if they could identify the mystery song. None of them could. He didn't even have real words for it yet. The opening line of the song was "Scrambled eggs, oh you've got yourself such lovely legs..." Eventually he realized that the song was his very own creation and he went with it.

So now I put it to you - have you heard this song before? I really want to know because I swear this came from someone else and I don't want to be known as a ripoff. Let me know if you've heard it, or if it sounds like something else you've heard. Even let me know if it sounds like an original, new song. If I did copy this from someone else it was completely unintentional. I appreciate all comments and suggestions!!

Sometimes this pain is the answer
A customized scream for defeat
Heartache is my midnight dancer
A feeling I find bittersweet

It’s been too long since I’ve been home
The face I once knew is long gone
I feel the madness in my bones
I’ve done so much right it feels wrong

Baby, you done me wrong
Left me all on my own
Maybe I’ll run a long
With this pain I now own

I used to think I was special
Much to my dismay I choked
I thought I knew myself so well
Parts of me felt they were broke

I’ve done my best to get by this
It’s hard when I can’t get away
I’m not the person that I’ll miss
But I’ll be the one in my way

Baby, you done me wrong
Left me all on my own
Maybe I’ll run a long
With this pain I now own

I’m such a mess
Inside this flesh

Baby, you done me wrong
Left me all on my own
Maybe I’ll run a long
With this pain I now own

Own.mp3

The Artist

2010-04-08T16:33:00.002-05:00

I'm not really sure where this song came from. I started writing the verse for it a litte while before spring break. I had a few choruses that I wrote for it, but nothing seemed to fit with the rest of the song. Yesterday during staff meeting (again!) I was thinking about the song and a new chorus came to me, as well as the rest of the song. I went down to my piano and plugged out the chords to the new chorus. I loved it and finished writing the rest of it.

The song is about being with that one person who you wish was good for you, but is ultimately the most destructive person you've ever had in your life.Thank goodness I don't have to deal with that crap anymore - but I've been through quite a few of those relationships in the past. There's nothing worse than being infatuated with someone and feeling like you're dying when you're not around them, yet when you are around them they just continually dig your grave for you. Some people really have this behavior down to an art, which is where the title of the song came from.

We can’t keep running away
There’s more to all this than we might say
I shouldn’t give in to you
You give no warning for what you do

You’ve got this down to an art
There’s no forgiveness in bleeding hearts
Tomorrow is what we make
But will it be something we will break

Still I’m on fire for you child
Can’t seem to cut myself free
Not quite sure why I’m still going wild
With all the hurt you’ve given me

So with my blood on your hands
Are you still able to understand?
You try to make me forget
But it’s not me who should have regrets

Still I’m on fire for you child
Can’t seem to cut myself free
Not quite sure why I’m still going wild
With all the hurt you’ve given me

I confess
I’m a mess
At the end of this noose
Done my time
Walked the line
I’ve got nothing to lose

The Artist.mp3

Bitter Screw

2010-04-07T23:47:00.002-05:00

This one came pretty quick to me. I was on my way over to the church for the general priesthood session of conference when the melody popped into my head. I sat in the car for a minute after I got there and wrote the first couple of lines. By the time I left the church after the session I had it it finished. This song has nothing to do with conference, nor is it religious by any means.

I had been listening to Pearl Jam's new album earlier in the day. (By the way - it is fantastic! Go grab a copy.) The melody came about from do some listening to them. This is not meant to be a Pearl Jam song. In fact, it sounds nothing like Pearl Jam, but somehow or another, Eddie and the guys inspired this song.

Bitter Screw is just a reference to the hard things in life. Sometimes you have to turn that bitter screw, or do those things you really hate doing but know they have to be done. It doesn't mean it's easy by any means. It is in fact harder, but we still do it - still turn it. I really like this song though and I think it has a lot of potential.

You don’t know me
You don’t know me
You don’t know my name
You might see me
Break and beat me
Find in me some shame

Now we’re going round and round
To crash into the ground
All we do is spin in sin
It’s trouble that we’re in

You’re enraging
You’re engaging
Fire in my hand
Unassuming
So confusing
Hard to understand

You cannot provide inside
A calm before the storm
I know that you hate to wait
Your patience has to form

As you hold onto your soul
I know you have to go
As we turn this bitter screw
There’s a light that shines on you
It’s much easier to fail
Than to let the truth prevail
And it’s all that I can do
But I can’t do it all for you

I’m still hurting
Though deserving
Part of kingdom come
You’re a bad dream
Can’t you come clean?
What now have you done?

There’s a part of you – it’s true
That scratches at my mind
There’s a part of me I see
That could only be so kind

As you hold onto your soul
I know you have to go
As we turn this bitter screw
There’s a light that shines on you
It’s much easier to fail
Than to let the truth prevail
And it’s all that I can do
But I can’t do it all for you

Bitter Screw.mp3

Dark Angel

2010-04-05T15:28:00.003-05:00

I wrote this song in 1995 - the year after I graduated from high school. I got the title from a book that my mom gave me to read. I don't remember who wrote it or what it was about - it wasn't that good, but I did like the title. About this same time I had met a kid in Yuma that was a fantastic musician. I can't remember what his name was, but he and I had gotten together a few times to work on some music. I do remember how impressed I was with him and his songs that he had written and it was a driving force for me to write better music.

I don't really remember what the song is about. It's been so long since I wrote it. I did play it to a few people back in the day after I had written and they seemed to like it. It should have a lot more to it vocally, but I really don't have the chops. I wish I did, but my voice has worsened through the years. I remember being so pleased with the section that starts out "now it's time to wipe the poison...". For some reason that I cannot remember I loved getting to that part of the song to sing. It was my favorite section. Anyway, here's an oldie for you.

Night is gone, the morning’s come
Good has lost and evil has won
The pains of night time are replaced with morning’s fears
Now the life I live is like a broken mirror

Now it’s time to wipe the poison from my eyes
The spell you cast upon me gave no chance to try
The way you treat me makes me bleed just like a cut
You threw me out your door and now you’ve locked it shut

Dark angel, spread your wings over me
Dark angel, make my dream reality
Please take your poisonous venom from my blood
Keep yourself from my thoughts
Keep me from your love

Anger is gone but depression’s coming fast
Love is lost and joy is in the past
You were my lighthouse guiding me throughout the night
Now you’ve left me all alone without your light

Your sharpened tongue cuts through my soul just like an ax
My feet are cut from walking on your broken glass
The hands that once loved me no threaten me with stones
The voice that sang to me now speaks in darkened tones

Dark angel, spread your wings over me
Dark angel, make my dream reality
Please take your poisonous venom from my blood
Keep yourself from my thoughts
Keep me from your love

Oh the harder that I fall
The less likely I’ll bounce back like a ball
Oh the wretched pain that’s in my soul won’t let me go

Dark angel, spread your wings over me
Dark angel, make my dream reality
Please take your poisonous venom from my blood
Keep yourself from my thoughts
Keep me from your love

Dark Angel.mp3

Meet Me in the Sun

2010-03-26T12:25:00.004-05:00

This is a song title I've been mulling over for about a year. All I ever had was the title. The title came about from my daughter, Aleece. Over a year ago U2 released their single "Get On Your Boots" and it was played endlessly in our car. Aleece was always singing along with it. I love having children that can sing along with the music I listen to. Lainey sings along with me to "Ticket to Ride" by The Beatles. I'm working on Lennon right now.

Anyway, toward the end of "Get On Your Boots" the song just thumps with drums and Bono singing "Let me in the sound!" Aleece and I would always scream this at the top of our lungs when it came on, except she kept singing "Meet me in the sun!". I tried and tried to get her to listen to Bono singing "let me in the sound", but she swore up and down that her words were the correct ones. I finally told her that I would write a song called "Meet Me in the Sun" so that she could sing those words to something. This is what I came up with over a year later.

I think this song is about not feeling sorry for yourself. Get over your junk and live life. Life is too short to be bogged down with things that won't matter in a week. Anyway, this song is for Aleece because she gave me such a great title.

Love, it don’t come easy
And love can fly away
A fool can only sink
When the waves come crashing in
So make your choice now – sink or swim

Drop the hate you’re feeling
For hate will mourn the dead
Don’t let your circumstances
Pull out the stops for you
You’ll find your faith in what you do

When my demons dance
I don’t have a chance
I can’t put these flames out for you

Meet me in the sun
Don’t you know you’re not the only one
Meet me in the sun
I’m not just somebody you can shun

All, it’s all forgiven
Meet, meet all your needs
The weight upon your shoulders
May throw your balance off
But stand back up, pick up your cross

All your attitude
Borne of solitude
It’s enough to drive me insane

Meet me in the sun
Don’t you know you’re not the only one
Meet me in the sun
I’m not just somebody you can shun

Meet Me in the Sun.mp3

Clatter

2010-03-23T22:05:00.002-05:00

**Just for anyone wondering - these recordings of mine are just rough demos. These are not what I hear in my head. My vocals are just a guide to help me remember the melody. I'm not singing at my best. Often when I record these songs its within minutes of finishing the words. I am trying to get it recorded at school quickly before a bell rings or someone knocks on my door. The recordings are just to give you a taste of what the song is. I'm not going for perfect here, just an introduction.**

This song came about after listening to some Coldplay (yes I love Coldplay) last year. I never really was able to produce any lyrics for it until recently. I loved the timing of their song "Glass of Water". I became frustrated with myself for not having written a song in a strange time signature. I worked on this one a bit and finally was able to get the feel for the 5/4 that I wanted.

When I sing about clatter, it's about all the unnecessary things in life. There is so much un-needed crap in the world. I see so much around me that is the stupid. I get frustrated with it all and I really do try to distance myself from it - the shallowness. I don't want to become a part of it (the man - damn the man! [Empire Records reference]). I fail occasionally, but I do try to stay away. My own social commentary...

I’m on about it

I used to fly

What does it matter?

Hate fills these skies

Life can be twisted

Hearts can be mean

Hold out for something

Stop pulling strings

Don’t fall apart now

Jump at your chance

‘Cause time doesn’t matter

Be who you can

Stop all this clatter

Don’t bow down to the man

Time is a fire

That burns through our souls

Walk on this wire

Toward life’s greatest toll

I’ve grown older

I’ve wasted days

There’s things I don’t know

And words I won’t say

I’ve fooled the world now

Who’s watching me?

‘Cause time doesn’t matter

Be who you can

Stop all this clatter

Don’t bow down to the man

Time is a fire

That burns through our souls

Walk on this wire

Toward life’s greatest toll

Clatter.mp3

Crown of Nails

2010-03-22T13:53:00.002-05:00

This is not a religious song. This is just a song. I was listening to some blues the other day when I wrote this. It's meant to have a dirty sound to it. In my head I can hear this with a fuzz bass pounding away to the chords. The drums are pounding nails through your skull while you listen to it. This is a song meant to tear you limb from limb - the only thing is, I'm not a good guitar player, nor do I have the band and financial means to present this to you the way it needs to be heard.

This is another one of those songs in which the lyrics were written during a staff meeting. Maybe I have a lot of hostility toward staff meetings... I tried to write words that would match the music I was hearing in my head for this. Think Black Rebel Motorcycle Club when you're listening to this song. That's more the light that this song is meant to be heard in.

As for the meaning - this song is about that one person that you would just do anything for. No matter what they ask you to do, you would do it. It didn't matter if limbs would lost or death was an options - whatever words came out of that person's mouth, you would do your best to accomplish that task.

I’ve walked miles and miles

To get away from you

I have worn a hole here

In these old ragged shoes

You won’t stop your chasing

And I’ve got no more swords to run you through

I can’t hear myself think

You’ve climbed inside my head

Nothing’s making sense here

You’ve got me seeing red

What’s there left to do now

When all you want me doing is playing dead

What did I do to warrant all this rage?

Set me up to fail

I’ll wear this crown of nails

I am feeling hunted

You’ve got me on the run

I’m not sure I’m seeing

The wrongs in all I’ve done

I don’t mind your anger

But I do not deserve your loaded gun

What did I do to warrant all this rage?

Set me up to fail

I’ll wear this crown of nails

Crown of Nails.mp3

KIlling Time

2010-03-21T01:35:00.003-05:00

This is another one of my favorite songs I have written as of late. You'll laugh when you hear how the lyrics came about. I was sitting watching "Smallville" and I just started the free-form writing, hence the reference to flying away, destiny, and pain - you know, the usual themes of "Smallville". It's just funny how much the things around you have such an influence when you are writing, whether it be music or literature.

This song is not really about me. If there was one line that I had to pick from here that represented me at all it would be the killing time line. Sometimes when I am doing something, like sitting in a meeting, I literally feel like I am killing the time I have been given in my life - especially when I know there are thousands of better things I could be doing. The sad (and good) thing is that I usually write a lot of lyrics when I am stuck in a meeting that I can't get out of. Maybe someday I could make a living from it...

Looking at a black hole straight into the sun

Trying to run circles around your loaded gun

Tripping through a pain that curs right through my heart

Anger is the fire that tears my soul apart

If I could fly away I would

After I did all that I could

I’m afraid of destiny

And the life that runs from me

Have I finally crossed the line?

I’m just stuck here killing time

Watching out my windows every single day

Waiting for an answer every time I pray

I could feel so good but I end up feeling bad

What’s the point of living if you lose the best you had?

It doesn’t matter anyway

I’ll live to die another day

I’m afraid of destiny

And the life that runs from me

Have I finally crossed the line?

I’m just stuck here killing time

Killing Time.mp3

Crazy Comes to Me

2010-03-19T16:56:00.003-05:00

I wrote this song the week my son was born. I had the music all set, but no words yet. It took me a bit to get the words written. I worked on it a bit while we were in the hospital with Harrison. There was very little sleep happening during this time period, which I think sometimes is a benefit to me when I am working on lyrics. Less sleep means less inhabitions verbally.

I love some of the lyrics here. I never thought of rhyming "magic" with "hat trick" - but it works. For you purists out there, yes, I know - it doesn't really rhyme perfectly. So what?!? It still works. I also am glad to have my first Oz reference here. I am a big Wizard of Oz fan and it influences a lot more I write than people think.

I don't really know what "crazy comes to me" mean. Maybe that no matter how much we try to stay sane in the world, its always going to find it. Anyway, enjoy the song!

What’s the point of dyin’

When instead I should be cryin’

Sometimes I feel like I’m the knave of hearts

Running this and that way

This is not a game that I play

With all these rules how could I ever win?

This time I’m not picking up the pieces

This time I will go in for the kill

I’ve laid down my aces

Had a thousand different faces

This smoke and mirror job has done so well

I believe in magic

Not another stupid hat trick

I can’t deny that I feel upside down

I can’t be afraid about the future

I’ll stand on the edge and jump into the abyss

I’ll go flying off to Oz

I’ll slip into the corner of my mind

Watch me twist away

I will take a ride somewhere

I’ll take a trip into the great beyond

Crazy comes to me

Might look good on paper

I’m a lover, not a hater

The lights are on but there’s no home for me

Love can be a cancer

Love can sometimes be the answer

It disappears as quick as 1, 2, 3

It seems you have dismissed all my feelings

I see that you never really cared for me

I’ll go flying off to Oz

I’ll slip into the corner of my mind

Watch me twist away

I will take a ride somewhere

I’ll take a trip into the great beyond

Crazy comes to me

Crazy Comes to Me.mp3

Praying for Reason

2010-03-17T23:41:00.002-05:00

So this was a cool experience today. I had been toying around with the chord progression for the verse for maybe a month. I finally found a melody to match it that I liked. I started writing the lyrics as I went to a staff meeting this afternoon. All through the staff meeting the words kept coming to me, but I didn't have a chorus yet.

All of a sudden - BOOM! There was the chorus. I could hardly sit in my meeting. I was so antsy to get back downstairs to my piano in my classroom and play the whole song! It was literally making me want to vomit because I had to go play it. Finally the meeting was over and I went down and played it. LOVED IT!

I thought I was done with it once I had the chorus, but as I was playing it through for the first time, the coda just came out of nowhere and added itself to the end of the song. It felt complete as I finished up the words. I wrote the last word on the page, set up my computer to record it, and recorded it in just one take, which is why my vocals are not the greatest on it.

I often say to my wife when I hear a fantastic song that I wish I had written it. This is my great song. It may not be a great song to anyone but me, but regardless, this is my great song that I want other musicians to hear and go "Wow. I wish I had written that song." Maybe someday.

The line in the chorus about "praying for reasons to bleed" is not about looking for reasons to make yourself bleed. It is about feeling the urge to be completely needed, such as my wife is needed right now by our newborn. We all feel that way sometimes. It's good to admit that every once in a while.

You fall to your knees burned to the core

You close your eyes searching for more

Though I may try I cannot heal

All that you need I cannot reveal

And you pray for the things that you need

And you’re praying for reasons to bleed

And you look to the heavens above

And you’re looking for anyone’s love

You cannot give up, you cannot give in

There’s more to this world then living in sin

Don’t look to find the easy way out

You’ve got to rid yourself of your doubt

And you pray for the things that you need

And you’re praying for reasons to bleed

And you look to the heavens above

And you’re looking for anyone’s love

It’s your last chance train

Wash away your pain

There’s a world out there

Where life might be fair

You don’t need the lies

Everybody cries

Give away your tears

Give away your fears

Praying for Reason.mp3

The Halo I Can't Wear

2010-03-16T17:50:00.003-05:00

I finished writing this song a few weeks ago. My biggest challenge with writing music these days is writing lyrics for them. Writing the music is the easy part. Back when I first started writing music the words came easier. Funny how that changes. I think I need to start reading more poetry. I used to read a lot of poetry and it helped open my mind to words. I should start doing that again.

This is not anything important lyrically. I was just writing for writing's sake. There's no garden, no devil's eye, no fire. Just words for the beauty of words. The line "I've got nothing left to say" is honestly about not being able to find the right words for this song. Writer's block sucks...

I walked the world the whole night through

To get myself away from you

So slip inside the wall of your mind’s eye

What’s the point of learning hate?

You can’t sit back and wait for fate

The life you have is yours to use or lose

Love don’t fail me

And don’t expect me to see

You derailing

And falling down at my feet

Watching my garden grow

I know there’s things I don’t know

But I’m not afraid to die

Or spit in the devil’s eye

I grow older everyday

I’ve got nothing left to say

I’m just trying to be who I should be

Can’t you see?

So in the dark of my mind’s eye

There’s angels teaching me to fly

The halo I’ve been given I can’t wear

You label me the fool of fools

Yet look to me for what to do

I think you’re finally sinking in your sea

Where’s the fire

You claim is burning through you

You’re a liar

You’ve got so much left to prove

Watching my garden grow

I know there’s things I don’t know

But I’m not afraid to die

Or spit in the devil’s eye

I grow older everyday

I’ve got nothing left to say

I’m just trying to be who I should be

Can’t you see?

The Halo I Can't Wear.mp3

So Close

2010-03-15T12:05:00.004-05:00

So this song was one that I dreamed. I woke up with this little melody in my head and all these weird visuals which literally have nothing to do with the song, but they relate so well to the song as it was written. I was going through this strange phase as I graduated from high school. Maybe it wasn't so much as phase as I was growing up and starting to use my head for something. This song was my start of imagery. I was trying to explain what the grandest love could ever be - what it would feel like, how it would taste, etc.

When that perfect love comes along for everyone they just know it. Most everyone I've ever talked to about says they same thing. "I just knew". That's what the line "Though far apart, we've be so close, now we're one" refers to - just knowing.

I was working at a place called The Garden Cafe in Yuma when I wrote this. The morning I wrote it, I took it into work and showed it to my co-workers. They flipped out over this, and that was only reading the words. It was such a confidence booster for mebecause it was only my third or fourth song that I had written and really liked. One of the cooks read it and handed it back to me and said "Why the hell are you still working here? If this is the beginning, I can't wait to see what you are writing in 20 years." I've got 5 more years to write something really amazing...

This song is my U2 song. As I wrote it I kept thinking about the fantastic song "All I Want is You". It pales in comparison to their song, but the idea and feel of the song comes from their influence in my life at this time.

I’ve never seen you but I know you

I know you better than I know myself

I know what you’ve done before you do

You’ve told the stories I’m unable to tell

You’ve been my legs when I can’t walk

I’ve been your tongue when you can’t talk

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one

You’ve never helped me but you’ve saved me

You’ve been with me at the end of my rope

I’ve never lost you but I’ve missed you

You’ve been with me when there’s no more hope

I’ve been your eyes when you’ve lost sight

You’ve been my heart in all my might

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one,

I’ve never touched you but I’ve held you

In thousands of dreams I’ve had

I’ve never called you but I’ve heard you

You’ve cried my tears when I’m sad

You’ve been my legs when I can’t walk

I’ve been your tongue when you can’t talk

I’ve been your eyes when you’ve lost sight

You’ve been my heart in all my might

I’ve been your blood when you bleed

You’ve been my rest when I can’t sleep

Though far apart we’ve been so close

Now we’re one

04 So Close.mp3